


An Olive Branch

by Worldlyshuku



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Aliens, Deviates From Canon, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Heterosexuality, Human Garrus, Humor, Jealousy, Kink Meme, Mass Effect Kink Meme, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Paragon Commander Shepard, Prompt Fill, Species Swap, UST, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wordcount: Over 30.000
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-22 11:52:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3727828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worldlyshuku/pseuds/Worldlyshuku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus and Shep are beating around the bush about their feelings and their difference in species. When Garrus suddenly turns into a human, they wonder if maybe there is chance for an "us" after all - while they continue to beat around the bush.<br/>I promise it's not as cracky as you think it is.<br/>Mature for now, but eventually explicit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Taken from the ME LJ Kink Meme Prompt here: http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/4499.html?thread=12586387#t12586387
> 
> Prompt asked for a Garrus turned human and Shepard getting massive jealous as women keep hitting on him. Ultimately, it was asking for Garrus to prove how much he is only interested in Shepard by using his new non-plated soft form to not hold back in the bedroom.  
> I... took some liberties and put them into a non-established relationship, and it leads to that... eventually. Rather than being a quick smut, it became a multi-chaptered monster.  
> Set in ME2 after the Collector Base but before Arrival DLC.  
> Will add tags as they apply.
> 
> Unfortunately, while this work has not been entirely abandoned, it will remain a WIP for the foreseeable future. :( The most recent chapter was written awhile ago, and I had forgotten to post it here. One day I might continue this - I really do want to! So, read with the knowledge that you might never get an end. I'm sorry. Some of it's kinda fun though.

* * *

 

_He's running his talons teasingly over her neck, brushing over her fringe. She chirrups at him, her own talons digging into the exposed flesh of his hips. He's grazing his finger across the red stripes painted on her fringe all the way to the tips. She leans forward to lick the edge of his mandible, curls her tongue around the point._

_He's leaning down to her, closing his lips against hers. She sucks on his bottom lip, pulls it into her mouth and nibbles on it gently with her flat teeth. He moans and grabs her jaw with his hands, some of her red hair catching under his fingers. She buries her hands in his hair, scratching her blunt nails against the back of his scalp._

_And then he's gripping her shoulders too hard, talons piercing her soft creamy skin. Her red blood pebbles to the surface as he pulls away. She gasps and covers her shoulder, hiding the blood until it starts to run between her fingers. He steps further from her, backing up until she's only a red blur in the distance._

“ _Garrus,” he hears her whisper._

“ _Shepard,” he whispers back._

_But she's gone, and he looks down to stare at his hands. One that he knows with three fingers and talons, covered in thick hide. The other has five fingers, nails flat and skin lighter in color._

Garrus groaned as he sat up in his cot in the Main Battery. It had been well over a week since he had dreamed about Shepard. All the dreams were relatively the same with him trying to be with her and failing in the end. They were never fulfilling, sensual and lusty at first, but always full of regret and pain in the end. He could hardly fantasize about his Commander – his teammate – his friend – without their difference in species making the fantasy take a turn for the worst.

He had been pretty sure Shepard had been propositioning for the sexy kind of “easing tension” before they had destroyed the Collector's base, but Garrus had laughed it off with a shrug and told her that he didn't realize she felt like sparring. Shepard's face had done that crinkle in the brows and quirk of the lips thing that Garrus associated with Shepard not getting the response that she wanted. But she had played along with it, telling the turian that she'd go a round with him. He had let the offer slide since he wasn't going to let her hand his ass to him on a silver platter if she really was up for fighting.

That day marked the beginning of the dreams of Shepard. The possibilities. The what ifs. The could-have-beens. Garrus thought that they both knew that they weren't exactly compatible. Any joining of theirs would be a terribly awkward interspecies fiasco.

Garrus didn't know how willing Shepard would have been willing to try despite that. He avoided talking about sex around her. No more stupid conquest stories that he probably shouldn't have told her in the first place. He had felt too comfortable around her and overstepped that line between Commanding Officer and crewman. Shepard was a good sport though, didn't let his slips alter her judgments on him as a teammate, and he was almost always there beside her.

Before he could conjure another thought of never getting the chance to feel her smooth body against him, Garrus shook his head and dropped his face into his left hand.

Suddenly, _everything_  felt wrong.

There were too many fingers around his face. He opened his eyes to look past the curve of his thumb and forefinger to see fur – hair? - on his arm. He pulled his arm away from his face, staring at the five-fingered appendage in front of him. Garrus curled the digits, eyes grazing down the arm to the elbow. His eyes widened as indeed that non-plated light brown skin covered in fine hairs was indeed attached to his shoulder.

Both his hands ran over his face, feeling his cheeks, nose, and hard jaw. His mandibles, his crest, all of it was gone. He pinched his cheeks and felt the skin stretch and bunch under his fingers. He let his hands move over his forehead, and his fingers caught on the hair at the top of his head. He had hair. He ran his fingers through the thick strands all the way to the back of his head and down towards his neck. It seemed longer than what he was used to seeing on human men.

Looking down, he almost wasn't surprised to find more of the brownish skin on the rest of his body. Smooth skin over muscles that turians didn't have. And there were nipples. He had heard of these and seen them in a few pictures. What did human males have them for? He pinched a darkened circle between his thumb and finger, and he gave a startled gasp at the strange feeling that shot straight to his groin.

Garrus briefly checked out his flat and bare feet with their five toes each, but discovering the fate of his manhood was the new goal. He had to untie his sleeping trousers since they were too tight around his stomach, leaving an angry pinkish line just below the navel that turians didn't have either. When he peaked at the half-erect thing hanging between his legs that was nestled in coarse dark hair, Garrus wasn't sure what to think. Humans had outer plumbing; he knew that. Besides that, the coloring and hair, it didn't seem so different. He dared not touch it though, so he closed his pants to hide his genitals from his view until he could look at it closer.

Some time between falling asleep last night and him waking, Garrus had become human. As the shock settled in, Garrus bolted up from the bed. His feet slapped the cool surface of the floor, and he wobbled sideways to lean on the main gun's console to his right. Used to walking on a smaller portion of his foot, his steps felt too heavy.

He didn't have much more time to process his feelings on being turned into a human because just as he heard the door swish open and he started to turn to see who had entered, he found himself bent forward over the console. Someone held his arm bent back awkwardly behind him and their other hand gripped his hair to push his head down.

“Who are you?” They barked, tugging Garrus's arm further back.

Garrus grunted in response until he found his voice. “Shepard, wait. Shep-”

His assailant immediately let him go only to grab his shoulder and twist him around. Garrus's feet caught up with one another, and he crashed sideways into the edge of his cot none-too-gracefully. Pain sliced through his shoulder. “Shit, Shepard. Trying to dislocate my arm?”

Shepard squatted onto the floor in front of him, nearly in his lap as she leaned forward between his legs, and she suddenly grabbed his face between her hands. Garrus stared at her, the pain in his shoulder momentarily forgotten as her bright green eyes roamed over his face. He swallowed hard, trying to follow the flitting movement of her eyes. Her brows creased and uncreased, rose and fell. Her mouth parted ever so slightly, and she sucked in a breath as her finger grazed over the skin graph patch still on the side of his face. Her fingers brushed lightly over the bumpy scars healing on his chin and across his lower lip. Garrus let his tongue dart out to wet his suddenly dry lips when Shepard's gaze and fingers dropped below his chin and traced the bandage over his collarbone.

Garrus felt his body warm and respond to the caress of Shepard's fingers on his skin. He gazed again at her parted lips, wondering how she would react if he tried to steal a kiss from her. He was human now; he had lips to kiss her with, even though he wasn't sure of the mechanics behind it. Garrus didn't know what this meant just yet though. Indulging in a fantasy would only end up bad again he had to remind himself.

“Garrus,” she whispered. Not a question.

“Shepard,” he whispered back.

Shepard sat back with her legs tucked under her. “I don't believe this.”

“Neither do I,” Garrus replied, noticing the distinct lack of multiple vocals in his voice. He sounded slightly higher than he remembered. “I... woke up like this.”

Shepard just looked at him a little while longer, and he wondered if she was as interested in his nipples as her eyes seemed to say she was. “I... don't even know where to start with the questions. Do you at least feel okay?”

Garrus shrugged, wincing at the slight pain the movement caused. “Other than the whack to the shoulder, I feel different and strange, but unhurt.”

“Damn, Garrus,” Shepard said, running a fretful hand through her hair. “You're human. My brain doesn't know how to process that fact.”

“You think mine does?” Garrus asked while he pulled himself up to sit on the edge of his cot. He rubbed his hand over his face, praying to any Spirits that would listen for an answer to this. “I'm human, Shepard.”

“You're human,” Shepard repeated, standing and stepping forward to sit on the cot beside him. “Is... all of you human?” She pointed at his legs.

“All... oh.” Garrus snorted and raised an eyebrow at her. “Yeah, as far as I can tell.” Thank the Spirits he had his hands draped over his lap, and they were mostly covering the slight tent in his pants. If he had been turian still, his half of a stiffy wouldn't have been as obvious.

How did humans deal with that? While Shepard called Chakwas, unsure of what else to do, Garrus began to flex the muscles in his legs. He focused on a calf muscle, bending his now flexible foot to force blood flow away from his groin. It took a little while, but he felt his new human dick start to soften. Good, that trick worked for humans as well.

Shepard stood up and paced around the Battery while they waited for Chakwas. “Clothes. You'll need human clothes. Jacob and Thane. Or Zaeed...” she paused, looking him over from head to toe. “You... look tall. I didn't really notice before when I thought you were an intruder. Stand up.”

He did as he was told, standing with his feet flat on the ground. Not moving, his balance was alright.

Shepard stepped closer to him, holding her hand flush against the top of her head. She moved her hand directly forward until it hit him in the middle of his neck. “You're almost a full foot taller than me. Turians are tall, so I guess it translated into your... human form. None of the guys are tall enough. Their clothes won't fit you.”

“I'm sure I'd look fantastic in a skin-tight Cerberus uniform.” Garrus laughed. “No thanks, Shepard.”

“There are other Cerberus crewmen aboard. I still don't think any of them are very tall either. Looks like you're the odd duckling, Garrus.”

“I'm not sure I understand that phrase,” Garrus said, shifting between one foot and the other.

Shepard shrugged. “I don't know where it originated. Some combination of the ugly duckling and odd man out, I suppose.”

Garrus scratched his chin. “So... am I ugly then? By human standards?”

“No!” Shepard blurted out, covering her mouth with one hand as her cheeks suddenly flushed with color. “No, I mean... by human standards you're... quite h-”

Shepard didn't get to finish her statement as Chakwas entered the room. Chakwas stopped and stared at Garrus on her right, her hand rising to her mouth. “Oh my...” The doctor looked over at Shepard. “Of all of the things that I was expecting when I walked over here, this was not one of them.”

Shepard waved an arm at Garrus. “I didn't know how to explain _this_ in a way that was believable.”

“You know that it's me, Garrus?” Garrus asked, his hands splayed over his chest.

Chakwas smiled. “That was my only logical conclusion, as illogical as it may be. Shepard told me there was an issue with you and to come over. Unless this is some kind of joke and you're trying to make us believe that you're a human Garrus when you're not. But Shepard tends to know her crew well enough that she'd spot an imposter.”

Shepard knew him well enough to know he was himself. It hadn't taken any convincing on his part. Did she really trust her judgment that well? The thought made him smile, human lips curving up and eyes softening.

Shepard's eyes widened when she caught him smiling at her. “I'm, uh, going to look around for at least a shirt for you to wear.” And she left the Main Battery, not turning to look at either Chakwas or Garrus to say good bye.

“Well then, guess it's just the two of us,” Chakwas pointed out, aiming her lit up omni-tool at him. “I'll start by running some scans.”

* * *

 


	2. Parts 2-4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard finds clothes and Human!Garrus gets checked out.

 

Shepard escaped to the confines of the women's bathroom, resting her forehead against the cool wall. She had just been standing in the same room as a half-naked _human_  Garrus – touched him even. Why had she thought that was appropriate? Her cheeks warmed at the memory of his mouth curving into a smile, a gesture she had never seen on him before. His face was suddenly an open book. She pushed herself away from the wall with a huff to flop onto one of the sectioned-off toilets.

Had it really only been about a month since she had started seeing her turian teammate as someone she wanted more than friendship with? When Garrus had told her that story about the recon scout and their bedroom tryst, it had seemed like the perfect opportunity to see if he was interested in seeing her in the same light. But he had only thought she had wanted to spar.

As time went on after that, she was constantly talking herself out of bringing up the subject of romance or sex with him. She didn't have the time do the research, but she knew that their bodies hadn't evolved to fit together properly. Mordin had picked up on her interests, warning her about chaffing and possible allergic reactions to a turian's dextro-based proteins, but she wondered how much of that was just him lightly teasing her.

She had nearly told Garrus that she wanted to be with him only hours before they hit the Collector's base, but with all of the differences in their two species, she didn't see how a future with Garrus could work out – if there even would be a future them at all. But for some strange reason, she still wanted that with him. A woman that had never considered a future with anyone before and was usually too focused on the mission for a relationship – she wanted the one person on her ship that was the least likely candidate. Forget that they had been through hell and back together – twice now. Forget the keen intuition that they had for one another on and off of the battlefield – the way he always had her six, even if it meant taking a rocket to the face.

Shepard had never wanted someone more in her life, and she found it frustrating that she couldn't act on it. It wasn't just about her curiously wanting to have sex with him. She wanted the over-one-hundred-year-old cliché of white picket fences, a ring on her finger, children running around at her feet. A life of retirement and of a civilian with Garrus the turian.

Now that he was suddenly human, had the tides turned in her favor? Could she convince him that she was interested in his heart? Without the species barrier, he might get to look at her as a woman and not as a human.

But damn if she couldn't say that his human form came wrapped in a nice package. Glimmering dark olive skin, thick brown hair, and still those piercing blue eyes. She didn't know if Kasumi had a thing for men with scars, but Shepard knew she was going to need to hide those abs from the thief's eyes. And those dusky nipples she couldn't keep her own eyes off of; her heart beat quickened at the mental image of pulling one into her mouth.

Garrus was still thin – not turian thin, but there was a distinctive dip and curve to the muscles at his hips – and oh God, had she really been looking that closely? He was well-muscled, and his loose pants didn't hide the thick and powerful thighs underneath. She didn't swat away the image of getting to wrap her legs around those thighs as he pressed close to her.

Shepard shook her head as if that would alleviate her mind wanting to fall into the gutter at every turn. She left the bathroom and entered the crew quarters. With the help of confused but willing crewmen, she was able to procure three shirts of adequate sizes. One was a bright yellow and so large that she joked that it was a circus tent – the man admitted it was placed in his bag as a joke. The other two shirts were plain and white, a tad too big on the man that had bought them – he hadn't gotten the chance to return them.

* * *

 

“How's he looking, Doc?” Shepard asked as she walked into the Main Battery again.

Garrus looked past the light that Chakwas was shining in his eye to gaze at Shepard with some folded materials draped over her arm.

Chakwas stood up straight from leaning over Garrus. “As healthy and responsive as a human can be. Even his shoulder looks alright. It might start to bruise a little later, so I'll bring a med pack over that he can put on it. His previous wounds are surprisingly still healing properly, not affected by the change in his body.” Chakwas paused to look Garrus over again. “I can't tell you what caused this, but his body composition inside and out has almost completely changed. Scans indicate that he's still Garrus Vakarian though. It's hard to lie with blood in the equation. Even then, his blood reads as human. It's baffling, really.”

“Glad to know I'm still me,” Garrus said, staring at what he assumed was the clothing she had found for him. “Have any luck with clothes, Shepard?”

Shepard tossed the shirts on the cot beside him. “Yeah. None of them will fit you right, but they'll have to do for now. Good thing we're stopping by the Citadel for a few supplies. We can probably find you an outfit or two.” Shepard frowned. “We won't have enough for a new armor set though.”

Garrus shook his head, a strand of hair falling down to his brow. “You don't need to be spending credits on me, Shepard. We don't know if this is even permanent.”

 _Do you want it to be?_ Shepard almost asked, but instead she asked, “So... what should we tell everyone?”

The three of them looked at one another, shaking heads or shrugging. Garrus saw Shepard's eyes open a little wider, her brows raising, and she turned to the side and sighed. “We could just let Kasumi spread the news around the ship,” Shepard said.

The thief flickered out of her tactical cloak and suddenly appeared next to Shepard. “Aw, how did you know it was me?” But her smile told them she knew the answer already.

“Please, Kasumi.” Shepard pointed at the spot beside her. “You giggled right here next to me. You wanted one of us to notice.”

Kasumi shrugged innocently. “Seems Garrus lost his superior hearing with the change, or else he'd have heard me awhile ago. Surprised to see you without your visor.” She smirked at him, winking with her one visible eye behind her hood. “But what a nice change. Where have you been all my life?”

“Apparently hiding behind a dashingly handsome turian exterior all of _m_ _y_  life,” Garrus played along, winking back.

That got Kasumi to laugh, and she shook her head. “You'll need to work on winking, Garrus, dear. It's not supposed to look quite so awkward.” Even Shepard was lightly laughing.

“I think I should focus on walking first,” Garrus said, grabbing one of the shirts. He was about to put it over his head when he realized how bright and huge it was. “Who the hell wore this thing?”

“No one,” Shepard replied. “I thought it would be big enough for sleepwear or something.”

“Spirits. Give me a few sticks, and we could make it a tent.” Garrus reached for one of the white shirts instead and tugged it on, pulling it down over his stomach. He looked up to see all three of the women staring at him, and he started to feel far too exposed in the confined room. He cleared his throat, and Shepard's eyes snapped up to his face. “I'm up here, ladies.”

“I should start swinging by here more often,” Kasumi said with a knowing smile.

“You got a thing for men with scars, too?” Garrus asked.

“Not especially,” Kasumi replied, “but I can make an exception.”

“Okay,” Shepard interrupted, holding out her hands. “Fun time is over. Seriously, we need to figure out what to do about this.”

Chakwas spoke up. “I doubt we'll be able to keep this hidden. As long as Garrus isn't going on missions without protective gear, I think he should be allowed to go about freely.”

“But the crew,” Shepard considered, tightening her lips.

“Most of the crew are Cerberus. They brought someone back from the dead,” Chakwas reminded her. “I'm sure they've seen their fair share of strange things. Some will take your word on it. They trust you. And the rest will eventually just come to accept it.”

“I certainly don't mind,” Kasumi supplied.

Shepard just rolled her eyes.

“Let me – let me at least get my bearings,” Garrus warned, holding up his hand. “I'd rather not trip during my grand introduction.”

* * *

 

Chakwas, the one woman clearly still looking at Garrus with a professional eye, stayed behind to help Garrus acclimatize to his new body. Shepard shooed Kasumi out of the room, while she, herself, went to go see Mordin. If the doctor didn't have answers, the scientist might.

“Garrus is human, you say?” Mordin said after Shepard explained the predicament that Garrus was in.

“Yeah.” Shepard nodded, leaning against his work bench.

“Fascinating,” Mordin replied. He left the room with another, “Fascinating.”

Shepard shook her head and pushed away from the table. Guess he was going to examine the subject if his sudden departure was any indication. With so little Collector data left for him to research, the salarian must have been bored out of his mind.

Shepard went back to the Battery to ensure that she hadn't just subjected Garrus to some sort of cruel torture. When she stepped into the room again, she was surprised to see Garrus rushing to squat on the floor beside Mordin.

“Ah, I'm sorry!” Garrus told Mordin, his back to Shepard.

Mordin's response was, “Fascinating.”

“What's going on here?” Shepard asked. She had been practically right behind Mordin, only a few minutes head start.

“Ah, Shepard!” Mordin greeted her, standing up with his hand over one eye. “Discovered Garrus ticklish. Very rare in turians. Interesting to see a human response with jerky and uncontrolled movements.”

“He smacked you, didn't he?” Shepard commented as she looked at the hand covering Mordin's eye.

Mordin removed his hand, blinking his eyes, but otherwise keeping the one left eye barely open. “Perfect deduction skills, Commander. Was examining new physique, and got to feet. Highly susceptible to tickling. Engaged further and received a kick to the eye. No harm done. A little painful, but doesn't feel like it will bruise.” Mordin smiled and turned back to Garrus who was now standing next to him. “Stop by the research lab when you have a chance. No tickling involved. Would like to run some tests.”

“Sure...” Garrus said hesitantly.

* * *

 

 


	3. Parts 5-6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza, beer, and nature calls.

* * *

 

 

Garrus was left alone in the Battery while Shepard went to bring him some food. If Chakwas or Mordin were to figure anything out, they could run more tests, but they would need to do it in the Med Bay or lab. Garrus wasn't ready to leave the room just yet. He couldn't hide in here forever though.

What _woul_ _d_ everyone think? Shepard, Chakwas, and Kasumi seemed to have taken his condition in stride, nearly calm in comparison to the giant _“what the fuck?!”_ going on in his head. Had he made some wish that the Spirits decided to grant in a twisted and impossible way? It couldn't be a dream; everything was too real. Had he gotten too close to something in the last mission that had changed his DNA?

Garrus glanced at his eyepiece that he had dangling from a railing near his cot. When he reached to grab it, it flickered on at his touch. He could tell from the length of the frame, it wouldn't fit on his current human head. He flipped it over to look over the list of names scrawled into it, and grazed his thumb over the scratched surface. People that had looked up to him, and he had failed them. Garrus put the eyepiece back, trying to move on from the memory. Dealing with Sidonis had given him some closure, but he hadn't felt completely right about it until the back-stabbing turian had turned himself in.

He paced the room, looking for a reflective surface. He should have bought a mirror months ago. When he finally found one, it was a cloudy reflection, but he could at least make out that he still had the blue markings on his face. Garrus let out a sigh, glad to see a part of himself that he knew.

“So, uh, now that I'm human,” Garrus said to his blurry reflection, “do you want to try, you know, easing some tension?” Garrus sighed and rested his forehead against the metal. He found it surprisingly cool, something he would have barely noticed before because of the plating on his face . _Spirits._ Why did it have to sound so stupid? “Hey, you're about the only friend I have left in this screwed-up galaxy, and I want to jeopardize that for even a small chance at happiness with you.” He scoffed and looked sideways at the closed door. “No more excuse for assuming you want something closer to home. Shepard, I-”

Garrus stopped short when Shepard walked in with a tray in one hand and two bottles in the other, her fingers curled around the tops. “This shift's food was already gone, so I grabbed us a snack instead,” Shepard said as she sat down on the cot that he hadn't yet put away. “Luckily, Gardner didn't start prepping your meal yet. Hope you don't mind that I asked him only to worry about making enough for Tali.”

Garrus sat at his cot with Shepard, eying the round thing resting on her lap. It looked like something yellow and brownish was melted over it, and it was covered with slabs of red circles.

He had probably been looking at it questionably since Shepard tilted her head and told him, “It's pizza. Dough, cheese, tomato sauce, and pepperoni. If you're unlucky enough to be allergic to any human foods, we can start to narrow it down; otherwise, I could have grabbed the combo pizza with all of the extra veggies, but-”

“You think I'll be able to eat human food?” Garrus interrupted.

Shepard shrugged. “Chakwas said you were fully human. We thought it would be safest to assume you should eat human food for now. If you feel the need to rush off to... expel your food, then we'll go back to your turian food.”

Garrus creased his eyebrows in doubt. “I guess. At least I know it won't kill me. Levo foods have only really given me indigestion, and nothing tastes very good.”

“You've eaten human food before?” Shepard asked, handing him a bottle with yellowish liquid in it.

Garrus took the bottle and nodded. “Had some nuts at a bar once on a dare. They were sickeningly sweet. Wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to eat the whole bowl. Then there was a dinner with some colleagues from C-Sec. They ordered this huge chocolate cake, and I somehow ended up with the largest piece. Another turian, what was his name? I don't remember, but he was eating his, so I figured I should eat mine, too. Kind of salty, but not bad. I didn't feel quite right for rest of the night though. Had to take some antacids to even get to sleep.”

“Good thing you won't die from this mediocre food then. I'll try to push a request for chicken next time.” Shepard smiled, pulling a triangular slice from the pizza and taking a bite from it. “This thing isn't exactly healthy either.”

Garrus reached to take a slice of his own, watching Shepard eat her piece. Her teeth clamped down on it first, and her lips pursed as she pulled it away from her mouth. Her jaw moved up and down before her tongue slipped out to lick up the red sauce that had slightly oozed from the pizza when she had bit down. He tried to mimic her motion, opening his mouth just a tad too wide. The mechanics of eating weren't so different. It took more chewing than he was accustomed to before he was comfortable with the mush in his mouth enough to swallow it. As a turian, he could swallow things relatively large, but most turians knew that seemed to disturb some of the other alien races, so they got into the habit of breaking up their food more.

Shepard had stopped eating, seeming to watch him with apprehension. Garrus nodded at her, taking another bite. “Not bad,” he said after swallowing. Satisfied with his response, Shepard finished off her slice and took a swig from her bottle.

Garrus looked at this own drink before he shot her another doubtful look. “So, you don't want to poison me, but you want to get me drunk?”

“Not drunk.” Shepard shook her head. “Thought you could use something to lighten the mood, take the edge off.”

“Couldn't get the good stuff?” Garrus laughed with a breath through his nose and dipped his head back to swallow some of the beer. “Yeah, I'll need to drink two of these before I'll get the taste of it out of my mouth.”

Shepard smiled and took another slice of pizza. “Sorry, Garrus. I only went to the fridge in the Mess Hall. Kasumi's hiding the good stuff.”

“Ah,” Garrus said, chugging a mouthful of beer. “I'll have to raid her stash later.”

Shepard laughed. “You sure you want to go into _her_ territory? Don't expect anyone's protection if she sexually assaults you.”

“I doubt she'd actually assault me. She likes to look in secret. It's not like she's made a move on Jacob.”

“You noticed that, too?” Shepard asked, taking a large bite of pizza. “Any other interests in our crew you've picked up on?”

It almost seemed like a baited question to Garrus. Had he noticed she was interested in him? Yeah. He knew just enough about human courting to be able to read that Shepard probably wanted to at least sleep with him with her long gazes and lingering touches. That and the visits that he received more than anyone else on the ship. But he was probably with Kasumi on this one – look, but don't touch. She knew when she didn't stand a chance of stealing a particular piece of art, no matter how much she liked looking at it. Garrus knew the odds of bedding Shepard were pretty good, but he wasn't ready to complicate their relationship with sex. He enjoyed what they had together, and he didn't know if Shepard was just interested in some friends with benefits action or if she wanted something more... like he did.

Rather than say any of that, of course, he instead said, “No offense to the guy, but I'm surprised I haven't caught Joker dry humping the Normandy yet.”

Shepard laughed, a mishap nearly avoided since she was about to drink from her bottle of beer. “Nah, EDI said it was some platonic symbiosis thing between them,” she said with a wave of her hand.

“Ah.”

“Ah?”

Garrus took a small sip of beer and explained quietly, “Like us then.”

Shepard slumped down on the wall at her back. “Ah.”

Together, they finished off the pizza – Garrus having only one more piece than Shepard did. Shepard had even gone back out to grab another round of beers. Neither of them had gotten drunk, but Garrus could feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading through his body. Garrus leaned back against the wall, his eyes drifting closed.

Yeah, he could say that he had a light buzz going. Best plan Shepard ever had. He lazily touched her arm at her side, his finger trailing over the bend above her elbow and up towards her shoulder. Shepard shuddered and turned her head to gaze to look up at him.

“It's so weird,” she remarked quietly, twisting her body to grab his wrist with her left hand.

“Hm?” Garrus hummed, focused on the warmth of her fingers on his wrist.

“You have fingers. You know, human fingers.” Shepard moved her hand to spread Garrus's fingers apart. Their hands met palm-to-palm with their fingers splayed out together. “And your hand is so big.”

Garrus twisted his wrist a little to see that indeed his hand was larger than hers. His fingers were thicker and longer by at least the top knuckles to the tips. Garrus curled his fingers so that they dropped between the gaps of her own, and Shepard curled her fingers around his fist in return. They both watched their enclosed hands for a moment before they looked up at each other.

Garrus had just enough alcohol in his system to briefly think _'_ _fuck the consequences'_ if only the almost familiar pressure of a full bladder hadn't made itself known. “Hey,” he whispered. “I need to use the restroom.”

“What?” Shepard blinked, unlinking their hands.

“I need to pee,” Garrus said.

“Oh, right. Pee.” Shepard lightly laughed, and she sat up away from him. “Need me to hold it straight or something?”

“Nah, I've got this,” Garrus said with a wave of his hand. “Aim and shoot, right?”

“Pffft, it's not a gun, Garrus.” Shepard's eyes widened, and she snorted another laugh. “I'm not a dude or a turian, so I can't help you in that department.”

“I'm sure I can manage.” Garrus laughed with her and stood up heavily on his feet.

Alcohol had clearly lowered their inhibitions as they both strolled into the Mess Hall and headed towards the men's restroom. A murmur broke out between the few crewmen loitering about, and Chakwas curiously watched from the Med Bay windows, but Garrus and Shepard were so caught up in chatting about the rifle upgrade Shepard was planning on getting while they were on the Citadel that neither of them noticed.

They didn't see the few heads peaking around the edge of the elevator as they stopped in front of the men's room. Shepard leaned her back against the wall next to the closed door, while Garrus rested his elbow on the wall just above her head and leaned slightly over her. Too bad he still needed to urinate, or else he might have had no qualms about leaning closer to her, placing his fingers under chin, and tipping her head back so that he could place a kiss on her lips. Shepard's bottom lip had a crack in it, a fine red line that he found himself drawing his thumb over. Shepard drew her bottom lip under her top row of teeth, not biting it, but smoothing the chapped skin.

“Hey, Shepard, do you think...” Garrus started to ask her something he wouldn't have dared to without the influence of alcohol until a surprised gasp came from across the hallway. He looked away from Shepard, watching heads dart behind the elevator.

Garrus sighed, and Shepard moved away from the wall to follow his gaze. “Oh... guess the plan to ease the news of your change back-fired.”

“Didn't think that one through, did we?” Garrus commented. “Stand guard for a little bit. Don't want them rushing me with my pants down.”

“I'll keep the masses at bay.” Shepard smirked with a hint of pink in her cheeks as Garrus disappeared into the restroom.

Garrus sighed and started to untie the loose knot holding his sleeping trousers up when he saw Zaeed's (clothed) backside, the older man twisting his neck to raise an eyebrow at his new bathroom companion.

“Who the hell are you?” Zaeed asked, eying Garrus up and down without twisting his body towards him. Clearly, the man was urinating as Garrus could hear the echo of streaming liquid. “Huh,” Zaeed continued, zipping up his fly when when he was finished. “You getting fashion tips from our turian? You've got Vakarian's markings and-” Zaeed paused to quickly wash his hands at the sink, and Garrus was startled when the merc grabbed his chin in a firm grip and pulled his face towards him. Garrus stood still and averted his eyes from staring at Zaeed's white-glossed eye. Zaeed grazed his thumb over the scaring on Garrus's chin, and Garrus was relieved that his touch didn't feel sexy at all.

“You can't fake scars like that, turian,” Zaeed finally told him, stepping back and crossing his arms. “What the hell happened to you?”

Garrus nervously scratched at the back of his neck. “I, uh, woke up like this a few hours ago.”

“What a bitch,” Zaeed replied.

“Yeah,” Garrus simply said back.

“Then I'll let you get on with your business.” Zaeed started for the door, but turned back before he was close enough to trigger it to open. “You know how to piss, right?”

Garrus shrugged, looking down at the toilet now in front of him. “Sure, aim and shoot.”

Zaeed nodded. “That's about the gist of it. Guess that translates pretty well between species.” He laughed once. “Just try not to miss. Gardner comes and makes a fuss about it, so I piss on the wall every now and then to drive the man crazy. One of these days he'll get smart and figure out who's doing it.”

Before Garrus could come up with a reply about marking territory, Joker's voice was suddenly in his ear. “Hey. Hey, Garrus. Turn around and smile for the camera!”

“What? No.” Garrus quickly inserted the code into his omni-tool to overload the hidden camera in the corner. It wasn't facing the toilets or shower, but he knew it could be manually controlled to scan the room. Joker was _not_ going to get to watch him pee.

“Aw, you're no fun,” was Joker's response.

 

* * *

 

Shepard resumed her position of leaning against the wall by the men's restroom. A few minutes had passed while she was waiting for Garrus before Joker contacted her on her personal comm.

“What's going on down there, Shepard?” he asked. “There's a lot of comm chatter about a new guy on the crew deck.”

Shepard looked at the door behind her, pressing two of her fingers against her ear. “Yeah, I've got him. I'll fill you in later, Joker.”

“I'm pretty sure we should know about stowaways, Commander,” Joker told her.

“He's not a stowaway. I can't just explain the situation over the comm.” Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation with her other hand. “Listen in during our meet-”

“Who's in the bathroom with Zaeed?” he interrupted.

“What?” Shepard looked up, stepping closer to the door. “Zaeed is in there with him? Crap.”

“Who is 'he'?” Joker asked with an emphasis on 'he'.

Shepard didn't answer, but instead asked, “Is he okay in there? Zaeed isn't... hurting him?”

“No,” Joker said. “They're just talking. New guy's about to take a leak, and Zaeed is leaving. No, wait, they're talking again. Who is this guy?”

“You're watching him pee?”

“No. He's just off to the side now. Figured that's what he was doing in there.” Joker paused for a long moment before Shepard heard him exclaim, “Holy shit! That's Garrus? No way.”

“Joker! Joker, what are you doing?” Shepard pressed her hand against the door that had her locked out.

Joker's voice sounded raised and excited. “I asked EDI to scan the bathroom, and she said it was only Zaeed and Garrus in there. You're hiding a human Garrus from us? I'm disappointed, Shepard.”

“Not hiding,” Shepard explained, glaring at the crewmen that dared to peek around the corner again. “I'm not sure what's going on. We wanted to assess Garrus's condition before I debriefed everyone.”

“Holy crap, he looks tall.”

_Is he even listening to me?_ Shepard thought. “Joker, leave him alone,” she warned.

A few moments later, Joker responded, “Can't look at him now that he sabotaged my feed. Relax, Commander. But damn, Garrus is really human now?”

“Yes, and we don't know for how long. I'm trying to figure out how to explain this to everyone.”

“That _is_ pretty unbelievable, but once you see that guy with the name Garrus, it's totally him,” Joker reassured her. “Miranda and Jacob would probably believe it if EDI told them. Made a believer out of me. Does Mordin or Chakwas know? They could convince the rest with their science talk.”

“They know,” Shepard said.

“So... is _all_ of him human?”

Shepard cut the feed and fell back against the wall. Maybe Garrus would turn back to normal before she had to go through this again with the everyone else.

* * *

 

 


	4. Parts 7-8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't ever sneak up on an assassin, and Shepard breaks the news to their team.

Garrus stepped out of the restroom before Zaeed and caught sight of Shepard talking with Thane in front of Life Support. He overheard Thane say, “I thought I had heard you out here.”

Garrus couldn't really help glaring at the guy. Thane's interest in Shepard was something else that he had picked up on. He couldn't blame him, but he felt a little selfish for wanting Shepard all to himself when he thought it was a bad idea to have her in the first place. One day Shepard would finally notice that there were other men close to her that wanted her, and she'd give up on him entirely. Garrus had pushed aside her advances only once. Had he been leading her on the rest of the time?

Thane looked up at him as Garrus stepped behind Shepard. He gave Garrus a confused, but territorial look. Ah, shit. He didn't look like himself anymore. Had Shepard told him yet?

Apparently not, when Thane's arm shot out over Shepard's shoulder, and Garrus was grabbed by the throat. Garrus grunted as Thane side-stepped Shepard and with an amazing force, slammed Garrus back into the wall by only the neck. Garrus started to reach up his hands to try to yank Thane's hand away, but the drell slammed his palm into Garrus's solar plexus. Thane let go of his neck as Garrus groaned and doubled-over.   _Why the fuck are humans so soft?!_

Garrus's buzz was quickly wearing off, and he had enough composure to block Thane's next attack with his arms. They grappled for a bit, Thane having the upper-hand as Garrus was still unused to his new physique, while Shepard shouted at them. Garrus couldn't make out what she was saying, and he turned to see her watching them with wide eyes. Thane hit Garrus in the throat again with the side of his flat hand. Garrus had only enough time to gag and cough before Thane had thrown him to the floor.

Garrus stared up at the foot raising over him, and he knew he should roll away, but he was frozen in place as he watched Shepard try to grab Thane from behind.   _Bad call, Shepard._ Thane barely had to twist his body to grab Shepard instead and throw her over his shoulder. She landed on her back beside Garrus with a loud crack.

Shepard groaned, squeezing her eyes shut as she rolled off of her back towards Garrus. Their bodies were flush against each other for a moment, but Garrus was focused on the drell whose eyes were widening in disbelief.

“Ah, siha,” Thane said, leaning over them. “Please forgive me. I-”

“Yeah, my bad,” Shepard grunted, rolling onto her back again to look up at him. “Don't touch the assassin while he's in fight mode.”

“I thought this man was an intruder, but you stuck out your neck for him.” Thane squatted down by their heads, looking Garrus over. “You fight like you were taught by turians. You do not have the reach for that style.”

Garrus let out a small breathy laugh. “Not anymore, apparently.”

Shepard sat up next to him and rubbed her back. Thane reached out for her and asked, “Did I hurt you, siha?”

“No, I'm fine.” Shepard looked down at Garrus and shook her head with a grin. “You become human and now everyone's getting beaten up. Maybe I should keep you hold up somewhere.”

Garrus sat up as well, noticing that Thane's hand had dropped back down. “Keep me in a cage? No. We need to tell everyone before I keep bumping into them.”

“Vakarian?” Thane questioned behind them.

Shepard and Garrus turned around. Garrus offered Thane a smile. “Hey, Krios. Uh, thanks for not going for the groin. I wasn't ready to know what that felt like.”

Thane gazed at Garrus, his face unreadable. His eyes moved to Shepard once, briefly. He stood up quietly and effortlessly. “Excuse me,” he said, and he went back into Life Support.

Garrus and Shepard turned back to one another and shrugged.

* * *

 

 

Without further delay, Shepard had her mish-mosh team gathered in the communications room. Garrus was hiding out in the lab next door with Chakwas, waiting for her to give the word. She looked at everyone standing around the table, and she immediately wished she had told Chambers to come in for the impromptu meeting as well – someone needed to explain the tall dark man running around the ship to the rest of the crew.

Jack groaned, twisting her body to lean her waist against the table behind her. “I'm not playing the military's hurry-up-to-wait game, Shepard. What are we doing?”

“Is there a new mission?” Tali asked.

“No,” Shepard said, but then she corrected herself, “There's a facility with some resources that we'll be hitting with the Hammerhead after the Citadel. Without Cerberus funding, we'll need to stock up for fuel and repairs. There's rumors of Geth activity there, but that's not the reason I've asked you all to meet here. Before anyone asks, I'm taking Miranda and Tali.”

“Garrus will not be accompanying you?” Thane asked Shepard with level eyes, curling his hands together in front of him.

Shepard furrowed her brows at him. He damn well knew what this meeting was about. So did Zaeed and Kasumi. Zaeed was leaning a shoulder against the wall, acting relatively uninterested. Kasumi was practically grinning from ear to ear.

Jack waved an arm and turned away from Shepard to glare at the wall. “The turian isn't going? Definitely a shit mission.”

Miranda spoke up next to Shepard. “Garrus isn't going to be present for this meeting? If this is about the man that people saw on the crew deck-”

“Man? What did I miss?” Jack interrupted, turning back to face the group.

“Yo, guys!” Jacob almost shouted, putting his hands down hard on the table. “Let the Commander talk.”

Shepard sighed, closing her eyes. She opened them again to see most of them watching her, waiting. “Sorry. I don't really know how to explain what's going on. Wait to ask your questions, if you will. Some of you have heard about the commotion on the crew deck. A man that no one's seen before.” She held up a hand towards Jack when the tattooed woman opened her mouth. “He's not a stowaway, intruder, bad guy, or anyone that we need to throw out of the airlock. He's been here all along, just... he looked different.”

“Just bloody spit it out already!” Zaeed exclaimed, pulling away from the wall.

Shepard clenched her hands into fists on the table. How many of them were going to believe her?  “Garrus is... human right now.”

The room was dead silent until Miranda asked, “What did you just say?”

“Garrus is human,” Shepard repeated louder and with more confidence.

“What kind of fucked up joke is that?” Jack scoffed.

Mordin chimed in. “No joke. Garrus is very much human. Chakwas ran simple blood tests. DNA match.”

“That's impossible,” Miranda said, staring at Shepard. “Changing someone's DNA-”

“Where is this fucker?” Jack was now sitting on the table, leaning her weight onto one arm. “I'm not going to believe this shit until I see it.”

Shepard pressed her fingers to her ear, calling Chakwas on her comm. “Bring him in.”

* * *

 

 


	5. Part 9-10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revelation! And the females ogle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abuse of the _italics_!

* * *

 

Garrus had never felt so nervous walking into a room full of people that he knew. He had had crazy and excited butterflies in his gut when he had first walked into the comm room after Shepard had brought him aboard. Only his face had changed then with its scaring and bandages. These people would have to see him in a whole new way. And for how long?

“You all right?” Chakwas asked him as they stepped out of the lab.

“Yeah,” Garrus said, stopping to look down at his too-tight shirt. “I just wish I had proper clothes. I feel like an idiot walking around like this.”

Chakwas rested a hand lightly on his arm. “The just-got-out-of-bed look isn't so bad.” She smiled. “Regardless, I think you're quite a looker.”

“Oh?” Garrus gave her a raised eyebrow with a playful smile.

“If this were a different time and under different circumstances, I'm sure I'd have tried to make a pass at you,” Chakwas admitted, dropping her hand from his arm.

“Not now?”

“I'm not the young sprite I used to be. I don't stand much of a chance against the women in the other room,” Chakwas said.

Garrus set his hand on her shoulder. “I... think you're an attractive woman, Karen. I only know of a few physical attributes that make a human visually appealing, but I know any turian would be attracted to your wisdom and spirit if the species barrier wasn't an issue.”

Chakwas didn't blush, but she did put a hand up to her mouth and waved her other hand at him with a tilt of her wrist. “A looker and a charmer. I bet you have all the females falling at your feet in droves, my dear.”

“In droves? I'd rather take on a horde of husks,” Garrus said, looking at her skeptically.

“Can't charm the pants off of those, I'm afraid,” Chakwas pointed out.

Garrus nodded. “Got a rifle and Shepard for that at least.  To down the husks, of course.”

Chakwas hummed in agreement and amusement. They stood in silence together until Garrus made out the sound of Shepard's voice in Chakwas's comm. “You ready, big guy?” Chakwas asked him with a tap on his arm.

“No, but I need to get this over with,” he admitted. Garrus walked through the door to the comm room as it opened for him and Chakwas. A hush fell over the room – a hush that quieted Miranda trying to pull more information from Shepard.

Everyone gave Garrus varying degrees of stares. Shepard looked worried with her creased eyebrows, and she was biting slightly on her bottom lip. Kasumi still seemed amused with that grin plastered on her face. Zaeed acted almost indifferent. Thane was still unreadable, as usual. Mordin – well, he looked fascinated all over again.  Tali's expression was hidden behind her mask, and Legion was a mechanical unit with no facial expression except for the slightly raised head flaps. Samara looked calm but also slightly intrigued. Grunt was... displeased?  Miranda, Jacob, and Jack all wore the most surprised and wide-eyed expressions of the bunch.

Jack was the first to say anything, and all she got out was a, “What the fuck?” before Tali and Grunt burst out laughing.

Garrus scratched at his chin. “I'm... glad you two are amused by this.”

“Keelah, Garrus,” Tali laughed, leaning forward to support her weight on the tall table. “You look ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous!” Grunt shouted out in agreement.

“How?” Miranda finally got out, one hand on her hip as she looked to Shepard.

Shepard shook her head, glancing at Garrus again. “We have no idea. For now, I need everyone to let Garrus get accustomed to his new form. He's still Garrus, so I don't want anyone to feel the need to treat him differently.”

“How do we know that this human isn't a spy?” Thane asked calmly, eyes set on Garrus.

Miranda nodded. “You know that Cerberus could be trying to infiltrate now that we've deserted.”

“Now that y _ou've_ deserted,” Shepard corrected. “I'm not with Cerberus. Never was. The only affiliation most of _my_  team had with Cerberus was their paycheck. And _I_  know _my_  team.” Shepard stepped next to Garrus, lifting her chin. “If I say that this is Garrus, impossible as it may seem, you'd better believe that this is Garrus. EDI, Chakwas, and Mordin can throw the science at you if anyone needs more proof than that.”

Miranda shook her head, avoiding Garrus's eyes. “Shepard, it's easier to fake someone's identity with DNA and tracers, but altering the DNA to a completely different species without surgery – It's not possible.”

“Then explain this.” Shepard waved her arm wide at Garrus. “Tell me why my every instinct says that this is my friend. Tell me where the real Garrus is if this isn't him. Tell me why I still trusted you after you shot Wilson, after he was trying to put _you_  off as the traitor.”

Garrus's pride swelled when he caught her calling him her friend. If he wanted to be more than a team mate to Shepard, a friend was the second-best position he could be in.

“Shepard, your instincts aside, this can't be Garrus,” Miranda said, her tone light but indicating that she might be holding something back.

“I told you to explain to me why not.” Shepard crossed her arms across her chest, a gesture that Garrus knew meant that she was trying to challenge Miranda.

Miranda dropped her head into her hand with a sigh before she looked back up again. “Because Cerberus has tried, and it failed.”

“More twisted experiments?” Jack hissed at the other side of the table. “What is wrong with you people? Fucking with kids. Fucking with the dead. And now fucking with aliens to try to conform to some human...” She breathed in a deep and angry breath, her hands glowing blue as she curled them into fists. “I'm tired of this shit.”

Miranda held up her hands. “I was only involved in Project Lazarus. There were rumors of a project to turn aliens into humans, but I don't know any of the specifics – not even the name. It was shut down before more rumors could spreads because we were starting to hear that subjects weren't taking well to the tests.”

“As if any of Cerberus's experiments work,” Jack scoffed, her lips pursed back in a scowl, but her biotics had faded. “Shepard's probably the only thing you did _right_.”

“Of course Shepard was done right,” Miranda started until Shepard raised her hands.

“The validity of my... resurrection isn't what's under question,” Shepard said, frowning. “Is the knowledge of _how_  this happened the only way to clear any suspicion of Garrus's identity?”

“I might have the answer,” Mordin said. “Will need to run tests to verify, but Garrus's change likely a result of Cerberus's secret experiment.”

“What?” Shepard blurted out, stepping forward to stand in front of Mordin. “Miranda just said it failed.”

“It did,” Mordin told her. He looked past her at Garrus by the door. “Formula all wrong. Humans couldn't see missing variables. Altered to-”

Garrus had been quiet most of the time, letting Miranda and Shepard argue, but now he pushed Shepard to the side and grabbed hold of the bar on Mordin's chest. “You did this to me?” Despite the sudden anger flaring inside him, Garrus's voice was quiet, a harsh whisper.

Mordin put one hand on Garrus's, not pulling away. He shook his head. “Not directly, no. Was looking for possible advantages in missions. Infiltration into Cerberus with just human team. Didn't have chance to test it. No subjects.” Mordin breathed in through his nostrils. “Completed mixture – didn't notice it was missing until after you were changed.”

Miranda stood beside Garrus, her brows furrowed deeply. “You worked on a failed Cerberus experiment and didn't tell anyone?”

“Was going to show you tomorrow,” Mordin said.

Shepard stood on the other side of Garrus. “More importantly, you made this concoction, and it just grew legs and wandered off?”

Mordin shrugged, shaking his head. “Don't know how it made its way into Garrus's system if that's what changed him.”

“Missing magic potion?” Jack threw her arms up in the air. “I think the case is solved. What else is it supposed to be?”

Garrus breathed in deeply, releasing his hold on Mordin. “How long?”

Mordin tilted his head, and then held up one finger. “Right.  How long. Don't know.”

“You don't know?” Garrus's patience was starting to wear thin again as he set hard eyes on the salarian.

Mordin nodded. “Didn't get to test. Not designed to be permanent though. Don't know how long effects will last. Days, weeks, years?”

Garrus felt dizzy when Mordin said years.

“So...” Tali chimed in from behind Mordin. “He's stuck like this for awhile?”

“Yes,” Mordin answered.

Tali stepped around Mordin, looking up at the human Garrus. Garrus gave her a feigned smile. Tali started to reach out her hand, but pulled it back down beside her. “Do you... feel different?”

“Yeah,” Garrus told her, running his hand through his hair at the top of his head. “It's not so bad though.”

* * *

The impromptu meeting ended fairly quickly after that, most of the team leaving to return to their posts or rooms. Shepard stayed behind to keep an eye on the curious stragglers – Kasumi, Jack, and Tali. Shepard stood back to lean against the wall by the door. Thane joined her with his shoulder resting on the wall, his body angled towards her.

She didn't speak to him then, but she continued listening to the women gathered around Garrus ask him questions, watched Jack lightly punch Garrus in the arm as they laughed. It was strange to see how comfortable most of them were with this. Did her team really have that much faith in her that they would trust it was Garrus because she said it to be so?

Garrus and Tali were close; surely she could see him as Garrus, too. Kasumi had believed easily enough. Maybe she was just distracted by that broad chest. Since Jack was poking fun at him, she probably thought it was Garrus as well.

She finally turned away to look at Thane. “Can you just trust me on this?” she asked him quietly, knowing that Garrus and the others wouldn't hear her on this side of the room.

“I trust you, siha,” Thane said, mimicking her quieter level. “It is the new human male that I cannot trust.” When Shepard frowned, he continued. “My wish is that you are not hurt by this. If you found out that he has been fooling you, all of you, and something has become of the true Garrus... I will keep an eye on him regardless. If he makes any move to tell me otherwise-”

“Thank you, Thane,” Shepard said. Her eyes turned away from him and back to Garrus. “Just let me know if you do find anything. I'll kick your ass if you hurt him though.” Despite the threat, there was no malice in her voice, just a gentle warning.

“And I will kick _his_  backside if he hurts you, siha.” There was a slight upward curve to the edge of Thane's lips as he walked backwards away from her.

Shepard pushed away from the wall just as Thane disappeared from the room. “Alright, twenty questions is over. Time to let the big guy get poked by the scientists.” She waved to the four of them still in the room, placing a hand in the crook of Garrus's elbow.

“Pfft,” Jack scoffed, “don't be so stingy, Shepard.”

“Yeah,” Kasumi agreed, nodding her head. “Can't keep him all to yourself.”

Shepard shook her head. “You can have him for dinner when Mordin is done with him.”

Kasumi clapped her hands together and held them up to her mouth while Jack smirked. “Better not figure out how to turn him back before then,” the convict said. Her and Kasumi left the room; although, Shepard watched the door to be sure that Kasumi hadn't snuck back in.

Shepard sighed, looking up at Garrus beside her. “What am I going to do with you? If you're not getting into fights, you're giving all the women raging lady boners.”

Garrus looked down at Shepard, quirking his lips into a smirk. “ _All_ of the women?”

Like hell she was going to tell him that the curling mouth on his face was indeed giving her a metaphorical lady hard-on.

Tali cleared her throat, and the two of them snapped their eyes towards her. “As adorable as watching this flirting is,” she said, resting her hands on her hips, “I do want to spoil the mood by telling you that sorry, Garrus, you're just not doing it for me.”

Shepard laughed and dropped her hand away from Garrus's arm. “I can see straight through that lie.”

“What?” Tali shook her head, waving her arm. “You _want_  me to be interested? That's a two-way thing for me. There's no reason for me to pine after a man that doesn't want me, no matter how... visually appealing he may be.”

Garrus took a step forward towards Tali, tilting his head and smiling. “Who says I'm not interested?”

Tali snorted a quiet laugh, but leaned towards him as well. “You'd honestly date me, knowing that I'd only want you for your body?”

“I'd be okay with that,” Garrus whispered as he ghosted his hand over her arm.

“Whoa, whoa!” Shepard threw up her hands. “Garrus, what are you-”

“Relax, Shepard,” Garrus said, smiling again as he stepped back from Tali. “We both know we're teasing.”

Tali leaned into her hip. “What if I'm not teasing, Garrus?”

“Ah.” Garrus took in a breath, shrugging. “Sorry, Tali. I'd have to gently turn you down. Dating outside my species isn't really my thing.”

Tali hummed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I'm sure she'd have to be something special otherwise.”

Shepard didn't notice Garrus's eyes look over at her from the side. “Sure. But then I probably wouldn't deserve her.”

* * *

 

 


	6. Part 11-13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More ogling, Garrus learns about hair, Shepard indulges Kasumi, and Garrus gets clothes that fit. Maybe Shepard should have gone shopping with Tali instead.

* * *

Garrus set a sour glare on Shepard as he entered the mess hall, walking over to sit at the opposite end of the table. He rubbed his shoulder that hadn't been knocked into a cot and tried to knead away the stinging burn with his fingers. Mordin had gotten a bit needle-happy back there in the lab, and Garrus was starting to hate the man for being a scientist. Serious lack of bedside-manner, Mordin didn't beat around the bush with letting Garrus know that the injections he was giving him could make him sick or dizzy and that he would feel certain discomforts if hadn't felt the effects already. Eat something and then rest, he had said. Garrus sighed deeply and leaned back in his chair to drape his arms to his sides and slightly behind as he looked up at the bright white lights in the ceiling. Huh. A position he hadn't really been able to do well when he was turian because of his fringe and cowl.

He righted himself when he caught Jack sliding over to him and clearing her throat. The woman sat on the table next to him so that her feet were resting on the chair and she was facing him. She leaned back on her hands, stretching out her abdomen which caused her breasts to sort of change shape – almost flatten and raise at the same time. “See anything you like, big guy?” she asked, raising a brow at him.

Garrus rolled his eyes and looked away, suddenly finding Kasumi sitting in the chair next to him on the other side. He looked to Shepard whom only gave him a shrug as she sipped from her bottled drink. “Uh, good evening, ladies,” Garrus said.

“Ladies? Do I look like a fucking _l_ _ady_  to you?” Jack emphasized 'lady' with a hand bent at the wrist against her chest.

“Unless there's something going on down below,” Garrus said, motioning his eyes to her groin, “I've been lead to believe that you are a female. Is there something I should know?”

Jack started to laugh, throwing her head back. “Ah, fuck, Garrus.” Her laughing calmed, and she looked at him with a half-lidded gaze. “I could teach you a thing or two about human women if you think you could handle me.” She smirked.

“As if he'd be interested in a convict,” Kasumi said, saving Garrus from having to respond to Jack.

Jack sneered and sat up. “As if he'd be interested in a thief.”

Kasumi smiled. “Whom was never convicted. And that's what makes you a _convict_. I haven't been caught.”

“Look, I'm not playing this game.” Jack leaned forward while glaring and pointing at Kasumi. She turned her eyes back to Garrus and shrugged. “I'm not asking you to date me. If you want to fuck, I'm down in engineering. You'd probably break Kasumi in half. Me, I'm into a bit of rough play.” And with that, she scooted off of the table and walked away.

“Jeez,” Kasumi said quietly as she watched Jack walk around the corner to the elevator. “She doesn't have to be so vulgar about it.”

Garrus sighed and slouched in his seat slightly. “I wouldn't expect anything less from Jack.”

“You're into that?” Kasumi asked, tilting her head.

“I didn't say that,” Garrus corrected. He blinked as Kasumi leaned towards him, her chest pressing against his arm as she whispered in his ear. He didn't quite make out all of the words, but that was because his mind had supplied him with a lovely visual instead of Shepard dawning a tactical cloak and a slight shimmer as his cock suddenly disappeared... “Ah.” He cleared his throat and gently pushed Kasumi back into her chair beside him. “I'm... uh, sure that would be interesting, but I-”

“Don't be shy.” Kasumi smiled and stood up. “Just think about it.”

 _I did, but just not with you,_  he thought. He gave her a wary smile anyway. Garrus swore he saw a dark eye nearly hidden below her hood wink at him, and Kasumi turned to leave.

Garrus ran his hand over his head, almost forgetting the strange feeling of his own hair slipping between his fingers. His fingers caught on a small knot that he hadn't realized had formed, and tugged to loosen it. His hand came away with two thin strands of dark brown hair. “Um, Shepard. Is my hair supposed to fall out?”

Shepard stood up from the opposite end of the table and came to sit beside him where Kasumi had been. She smiled and shook her head bemusedly. “Yeah, that's normal.”

“I didn't break anything?” He raised a worried eyebrow.

“No. Well, you did break a few strands of hair, but no big deal.” Shepard grabbed one of her own hairs and pulled until it snapped free. “They're basically dead cells once they're outside the skin. We can cut our hair, and it'll grow back. It's one reason why humans can look so different.

“Even this stuff on your arms?” Garrus held up his arm to show her.

Shepard nodded. “All of it.”

“How is it supposed to protect you from the cold if you remove it all?” Garrus asked.

Shepard laughed quietly and lifted up her right leg and set her foot onto the table to show Garrus an expanse of her hairless calf. “We have clothing for that. These bad boys would have had hair, too, if I hadn't shaved. Motion sensitivity and natural protection from dirt and stuff. Eyebrows and eyelashes are especially good at it.” She pointed at her eye, and then shrugged. “I think it was a thing back on Earth for woman to be mostly hairless as a visually appealing thing. Now with all the non-hairy aliens, I think the humans are just trying to show off with their flippant hair-dos.”

“But human women usually have the longer hair,” Garrus pointed out.

“Yes.” Shepard nodded, slipping her leg off of the table. “An opposite thing. Women with less hair on their bodies, but more hair on their head. I'm not sure I get it myself. Some find beauty in it. The longer the hair though, the more hassle it is.”

Garrus looked at Shepard's head full of fiery red hair. It was straight and cropped just below her chin, a length that he was sure wasn't long enough to pull back into that bun he had seen many of the females on the Citadel having. Jack had no hair at all, but her head was scattered with tattoos. Miranda's hair was longer, dark waves that rested on her shoulders. He had no idea what Kasumi's hair looked like. Chakwas's hair was very similar to Shepard's but it curled in towards her at the bottom. The Cerberus crew had a smattering of different styles that ranged from short like Shepard's to that pulled into a ball somewhere on their head.

Most of the men had short hair. Either bald or cropped close to the shape of their head. His own hair was probably the longest he'd seen. Maybe the women varied so much as a competition thing – to attract men. The men did have different styles of facial hair which the women did not though. What made him suddenly so different then any of the other men on the Normandy that had Jack and Kasumi so interested?

He reached towards Shepard, trapping some of her hair between the pads of his fingers. “Do you feel this?”

“Not really,” Shepard told him, reaching out her own hand to grab some of his hair as well. “You can feel the movement in your scalp as the hairs move, but you can't feel the placement of my fingers.”

“I see,” Garrus said. “Or I feel what you're saying.” He let go of her hair to brush the tip of his finger near her eye. “And these here on your eyes?”

Shepard's eyes fluttered closed. “Eyelashes. They're more sensitive. Something touches them, and the eyelids usually close on instinct as protection.” She opened her eyes and moved her hand to his face to return his gesture of grazing over his eyelashes.

Garrus's eyes also closed. “I guess they do. Good thing it's an instinct thing, since I probably wouldn't have closed my eyes otherwise. Turians have a film over their eyes to keep debris out.”

“Like a cat,” Shepard said, smiling. “Or a bird. You'll have to let me see when we get you back to normal.”

“Might bite if you get too close,” he warned with his own smile.

“And I'd knock you on the nose if you did,” Shepard warned back.

* * *

Shepard quietly groaned as Kasumi tossed yet another coat at her. She shook her head, tossing it back. “No white,” Shepard said. “I don't think he'd really go for the white jackets or pants. Shirt, maybe.”

They had arrived at the Citadel less than an hour ago, and somehow, Kasumi had snuck along with Shepard to go clothes shopping for Garrus. She had hoped it to be a quick grab and go, but with the thief along, that plan had been abandoned. The worst part about it was that she had convinced Garrus to do a model copy of his form that he sent to her omni-tool, so there was a blank-faced, practically naked fake copy of his exact  (human)  physique standing in the middle of the dressing room for her and Kasumi to play dress-up with. She had to admit that she was a little amused when they put a white one-piece cat-suit with glittery old-fashioned sequins on it,  but the fun was starting to wear off.

“Here, and here.” Shepard grabbed a short-sleeved shirt from the identically designed rack of shirts – the only difference being the varying colors. This one was mostly a dark blue and had dark green with the ribbing on the side. She did the same for the pants and “fused” them onto the model. It didn't look half-bad, but it wasn't Garrus, after all.

Medical suits of white and red. Hazmat suits of black and orange. Mining coveralls in their drab brown. Long black trench coats with too many snaps and buckles (which she thought only Thane could pull off). They had gone to a few stores, and there was a lot to choose from, but she couldn't quite place why nothing looked good on the Garrus-model.

She had only ever seen Garrus in civvies once – when Garrus had stayed at the Citadel after the battle with Sovereign. It had been a rather bright blue and green thing with yellow trimming, and she would have teased him about it if she hadn't been saying goodbye to him then.

“Ground team to Shepard,” Kasumi called, waving her hand. “How 'bout this one?”

Shepard lifted her head to look at the outfit Kasumi had put on the form now and rolled her eyes. “No, with a capital 'N'.”

“Aw, but it'd show of his chest and thighs, and _everything_  so nicely.”

“Even without the Cerberus logo, it still looks like Jacob's gear but in red,” Shepard pointed out. “Garrus already said no to that.”

Kasumi put her hands on her hips, shaking her head. “He very well can't run around naked, Shepard.” The thief paused for a moment, a knowing smile playing on her lips. “I suppose he could if we can't find him anything. Better give up and admit defeat. We can hide him in the Port Observation -”

“You already know the answer to that, Kasumi,” Shepard interrupted, sighing. “Seriously, why are you trying so hard?”

“So hard at what?” Kasumi asked, holding up her hands innocently.

And that's when Shepard realized she voiced her thought out loud to Kasumi. The woman had been practically on top of Garrus the moment he had changed, obviously physically attracted to him when she had never shown the slightest hint of interest before. She had admitted to Shepard of ogling Jacob before, so was she just after men for their good looks? But there was Keiji – where did her love for him tie into her impossible flirting with these other men?

“Ah...” Kasumi giggled quietly. “Is someone getting jealous?”

Shepard's head snapped up. “Jealous?”

Kasumi twirled her finger over the clothed chest of the fake Garrus form. “Don't like others playing with your things?”

“With my - He's not a _thing_.” Shepard stood up and waved her arm at the model. “And Garrus is no more mine than anyone else's. You know that we shouldn't put a claim like that to someone.”

“I claimed Keiji as my lover before,” Kasumi said simply, not stepping away from the model.

Shepard huffed and shook her head. “Then why these games? I thought you had something special with him. Then the next hot guy you find, and you're blind to what was right in front of you?”

Kasumi looked straight at her, her eyes serious. “He's dead, Shepard. I may still have the memories we shared, but even with the graybox, it can only do so much. I know it's not going to bring him back, and it's not like I'm trying to move on to the next available man I see, but why can't I have some fun?” She smiled. “Even married women can appreciate the goods.”

Shepard took in a deep breath and slowly let it out of her nose. “Sorry, Kasumi. Lost loved ones are...”

“Save me the motivational speech, Shepard.” Kasumi held up her hand. “I wasn't expecting this to turn into a serious outing. Now, let's get back to putting ridiculous stuff on the fake Garrus.” She clapped her hands together. “I knew this would be fun.”

“Fun and games aside, we really should get him some clothes.” Shepard frowned, crossing her arms. “I think that shirt and pants I put on him before looked fine.”

“How many are we getting him?”

“I don't know. One or two?” Shepard shrugged.

“How long do you expect him to stay human?” Kasumi asked. “We might need to get him a whole closet if... it's a permanent thing.”

“God, I hope not,” Shepard said. “He'll want to get back to his normal turian self as soon as possible.”

Kasumi held up a black long-sleeve turtleneck before she stuck it on the model. “I don't know. I think he might like it as a human. Finally get a chance to be with the woman he loves...” she let her words linger, turning her head to Shepard and looking up at her through her eyelashes.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at her. “If you're insinuating me, than that would be a no.”

“What? No?” Kasumi shook her head in disbelief, over-dramatically putting a hand to her chest. “You wouldn't have sex with this beefcake of a man?”

Shepard snorted a laugh. “Beefcake? No, it's not that. It's just not going to happen.”

“Wait, wait. This is some gossip I missed out on. I thought he was interested in you.”

“I guess not.”

Kasumi grabbed Shepard's shoulders and pulled her so that they were facing each other. “What do you mean? What did I miss?”

Shepard lightly shrugged and turned away from Kasumi to fold the neck of the shirt on the Garrus model. “He's not interested, simple as that.”

“You know this for a fact?” Kasumi crossed her arms.

“Yep,” Shepard said, smoothing the fabric over fake Garrus's chest. “I asked him.”

Kasumi blinked. “You just asked him? When? Before or after the change?”

“Does it matter?” Shepard shook her head. “You're the last person I should be telling about this, really. No offense, but you're a gossip.”

“I only tell you about things, I swear!” Kasumi quickly interjected. “Well, _most_  things. I told you about Garrus being interested and... oh, I haven't mentioned that Gabby likes Kenneth to anyone else. And Jack would flay me alive if she hears that I'm telling you that she's considering getting an N7 tattoo.”

“You shouldn't be telling me these things at all.”

“But I can help you.” Kasumi nodded. “Give me the details of the conversation. How did it go down? Did you just blurt out 'hey, you interested in me?'?”

Shepard sighed. “He was talking about this turian woman he had had... relations with. I, er, offered to help him ease some tension after that.”

Kasumi set her with a disproving look and shook her head. “That was the driest story ever. Was this before he changed? Why was he talking about this other woman? _That_  was your pick up line? Offered him sex? And then what, he turned you down? Details, woman. Juicy details.”

So Shepard gave her a little bit more of the conversation. That turians eased stress before battle and so Garrus was relaying this grapple with a female that eventually went to the bedroom. That she propositioned him with a line about 'flexibility' that he misinterpreted. And that he didn't want to fight with her.

Kasumi nodded. “Context. Now it makes much more sense. But that was that. You didn't clarify that you were offering him sex?” Kasumi deeply sighed when Shepard shook her head. “No offense, Commander, but you're an idiot. Either one or both of you are. I'm not sure yet. I think you're both beating around the bush, maybe on purpose. You should bring it up again, especially now that circumstances have changed.”

Shepard shook her head again. “He's my friend. I'm not going to take advantage of him like that.”

“I'm sure that a man won't think you're taking advantage of him with _sex_ ,” Kasumi offered.

“It's not about him turning me down for sex, Kasumi. It's...”

Kasumi continued for her, “more than that, isn't it?” She took her silence as a 'yes'. “Hey, I won't say anything to anyone. Scout's honor.”

“Like a thief was ever a Scout,” Shepard teased.

“Hey!”

Shepard smiled and looked up at the Garrus model again. Something about the neck looked... “Hey, miss?” She waved a human clerk over whom was only a few few feet away. The woman joined them, looking over the form. Shepard shrugged. “You have anything of turian design?”

Kasumi looked at her with a quirked lip. “You do realize we're buying for a human, right?”

“I know, I just...” Shepard looked hopefully at the other woman.

The saleswoman nodded, opening up her omni-tool. “We actually have a small line of clothing that was created by the turian designer, George Paul. He has some made for humans and drell already out. The asari line is still in the modeling phase. It'll be a few months before they're ready for public selling. I hear he's working on some salarian styles as well.”

“George Paul?” Both Shepard and Kasumi had to raise an eyebrow at that.

The woman nodded. “It's probably just a stage name. I don't think anyone had the heart to tell him that he was using two human first names. Shall I show you the make for the human males though? I think it's a brilliant design, but it hasn't really taken off yet.”

Shepard nodded.

* * *

Garrus rifled through the pile of clothes that Jacob had handed him earlier, pulling out a blue and green short-sleeved shirt. He wasn't sure how he felt about trying on these human clothes, but at least these would let him wander around without night pants and no shoes. Garrus tugged the shirt over his head; it was a snug, but comfortable fit – nothing special, really – he had seen dozens of human men with this very same style. He paused in reaching for a pair of pants when he heard the bathroom door whoosh open and Jacob stepped in.

Jacob looked up at him and shook his head with a frown. “Looks like the women forgot to get you underwear. You... can borrow a pair of mine. Good thing you don't have to factor in height for underwear size.” He tossed a gray pair of boxer briefs at Garrus.

“That's right,” Garrus said, “Humans wear underwear. I had forgotten about that.”

Jacob nodded, and then grimaced. “You're not wearing any under those night slacks, are you?”

Garrus shook his head.

Jacob shrugged. “Turians don't need underwear?”

Garrus shook his head again. “With the protective plating, it's not really necessary.”

“Yeah, I knew that. Just weird, you know? Something as simple as undergarments, and another species doesn't need them.” Jacob snorted and leaned against the door of the bathroom, making sure that it was locked after he had come in. “So, loose goods now must be...”

“Awkward,” Garrus answered.

“I bet.”

The two men exchanged silence mostly while Garrus continued looking through the pile, Jacob acting as a bouncer to keep anyone that didn't need to be pee out – well, mostly to keep out a certain cloaking woman. Kasumi was probably sitting with Shepard and some of the others that had started to gather in the Mess Hall to await... his fashion show? Spirits, he hoped he didn't have to model all of these off – there was something orange in there, and he grimaced at the thought. But then he saw another blue shirt and grabbed that.

Actually, it was a short jacket, not a shirt. He pushed his arms through the long sleeves one by one to find the jacket barely made it to the bottom of his ribs. It was a navy blue color with a few linings of green around the bottom of the neck and following most of the outlines of the jacket. There was a yellowish trim around the wide collar – a stiff circle that stood up around his next. There was yellow trim around the hem at his wrists, too. Garrus smiled. It wasn't unlike a turian long-sleeved vest.

“Uh...” Jacob pointed at his chest. “I don't think that shirt goes with that.” He looked into the pile, moving a few shirts and vests out of the way. “Here, this might work.”

Garrus removed the jacket and shirt again, tugging on the black shirt that Jacob handed him instead. Once over his head, Garrus pulled the soft and stretchy fabric down to his hips. This one was long-sleeved as well, and had a neck-opening with too much fabric that he had to bunch out of the way. Jacob commented that it was a turtleneck. Ah, okay. Turtleneck. And then he put back on the jacket. The black and blue looked rather nice together.

He dug for a pair of pants that were a similar shade of blue to his jacket with a darker rib-like material on the sides of the pant legs around the calves and lower thighs with straps to let him loosen or tighten the pants to his liking. Garrus, of course, put on the underwear first as Jacob turned around for a few moments, and he tried on the pants and adjusted the straps. He did find two pairs of socks, one thin and black and the other pair thicker and white. He went for the black pair since if he remembered correctly, the white pair were something that was worn with sneakers, and he wanted to wear the black hide-like shoes with the slight heel that slipped onto his feet without any tying or buckling.

He held his arms out to the sides for Jacob's judgment. Jacob quirked one side of his mouth and curled his fingers over his chin. “Not bad, I guess. I haven't really seen this style before. It... kind of looks like it's trying to be an officer's uniform.”

Garrus looked down at himself, pulling on the stiff collar. “Must be the colors. And one of the weirdest parts about this for me,” Garrus paused, holding up his bare hands, “is not wearing any gloves.”

Jacob nodded. “Don't need those unless it's cold. Or for your work. Whoever picked out this set, got you a gentleman's outfit. Won't be doing any manual labor in that.”

Garrus pulled out the orange shirt with flared sleeves. “I'm pretty sure Kasumi got something like this to tease me. I'm... hoping Shepard picked this out?” He indicated his jacket. “It's not quite the turian style, but it looks really close.”

“Is this... denim?” Jacob asked with an excited pitched in his voice, snagging a pair of dark blue pants. “Damn, I haven't seen this material in years.”

“Denim?” Garrus asked in return, continuing through the pile.

“Yeah, it was real popular long ago, before humans discovered the archive on Mars.” Jacob ran his thumb over the thick material. “Found a cheaper and sturdier cloth to work with that was lighter weight eventually.”

Garrus shrugged. “You're, uh, welcome to them, if you want. I don't think the women will be disappointed if I share.”

Jacob held up the pants to his waist. “You seem to forget that you're a giant.” The end of the pants bunched over his feet to emphasize that they would be too long on him.

“Roll them up?” Garrus offered, slipping off his jacket and shirt to try on something else. His hair fell almost into his eye again as he bent over, and he brushed it away.

“Nah,” the other man said, tossing the pants back into the pile. “Hey, your hair bothering you?”

Garrus looked up, flicking his head back to get that same swatch of hair out of his face. “It's not something I'm used to dealing with. Fringe doesn't exactly bend and sway like yours does.”

Jacob pointed behind him with his thumb over his shoulder. “I've... got some cutters in my room if you want to shorten your hair.”

Garrus shuddered. “You'd have to be insane to alter your fringe if you were a turian, but I've seen humans change it like it's nothing. Shepard showed me earlier how easily it breaks. No pain.”

Jacob laughed. “No pain as long as you're not pulling a chunk straight from your head. But that just hurts the scalp.”

Garrus considered cutting his hair; it would be nice to keep it out of his face, and it felt funny when it lightly brushed over his eyebrow. He hated to think that if he cut his current hair it might affect his actual fringe when he turned back to normal. _If_ he turned back to normal. Maybe now was going to be normal for him. Mordin had said that concoction that had changed him was only temporary.

He sat back on the bench next to his new clothes and sighed. His head rested on the wall behind him, and Garrus realized that was yet another position he hadn't been able to do when he was turian. Small little things that his body just did, without him realizing – like untying the knot in his sleeping pants with all these extra fingers not getting in the way.

“Yeah,” Garrus said at last. “I could go for a haircut.” Might as well take in some human customs while he had the chance.

* * *

 

 


	7. Part 14-15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put in a picture of human!Garrus that I did in MSPaint. Took a picture of a male model and just colored on top of it. It's nothing fancy, just a very rough idea of what he'll be wearing for most of the rest of the story. Find it hidden in the chapter somewhere!

* * *

How she had convinced Kasumi to stay in the Mess Hall with her, Shepard had no idea, but the thief quietly waited while nibbling on thin chocolate-covered sticks.  Shepard wondered where she had gotten them since she hadn't recalled seeing those snacks in the cabinets earlier.

As time went on, people had to started to gather around, rumors spilling about Garrus's transformation all over the ship.  Shepard overheard far too many of the murmured conversations, and eventually, she slammed her hands flat onto the table and stood up.  All heads snapped to her, eyes wide.  “The rumors are true.  Garrus is a human right now.  Mordin was working on something that would transform an alien and _somehow_  it disappeared out of his lab, and Garrus's human form is the result.  It's only temporary.  If anyone threatens him or questions my authority to keep him on this ship, I will personally boot you off of the Normandy whether we are docked or not.”  She paused with her hands on her hips.  “Any questions?”  The room was silent.  “Good.”

Shepard sat down with a huff next to Tali.  “I was hoping he would have turned back by now.  The less people that knew, the easier this would have been.  Now we're throwing clothes on him, and everyone will see him.  I should have made him hang out with you in Engineering.  Less traffic down there.”

Gabby had wandered up as well, leaving Kenneth to man the deck below on his own.  She leaned forward over the table to drop her chin into her hands.  “Kenneth probably would have appreciated another man down there to keep him company.”

Tali laughed.  “Yeah, he was the only guy down – Ah! I'm the only dextro on the whole ship now.”  Tali dropped the top of her face plate into her palm.

“More food for you?” Gabby suggested.

“Right!”  Tali nodded, sitting back up.  “Garrus was always stealing the chocolate-flavored pudding first.”

“It's really him, Commander?” Kelly suddenly asked as she sat opposite of Shepard.

Tali nodded at Kelly.  “Oh, definitely.”  She stood up and held up a finger. “I'll be back in a minute.”  And she walked off to the cooking area, leaning over the counter to chat with Gardner.

“How is everyone handling his change?” Kelly asked, adding, “How is Garrus taking it?”

Shepard shrugged and leaned back in her chair.  “Most of the people are willing to accept the impossible. And... I'm honestly not sure how Garrus is taking it.  Like a champ so far.”

“I haven't gotten a chance to speak with him since he became human,” Kelly said, hands resting her lap, “To become something completely unfamiliar; what he must be going through right now...”

Jack perched herself up on the table as seemed to be her normal thing now.  “Ah, he'll get over it when he fucks a woman.”

Kelly shook her head, tightening her lips.  “That's hardly appropriate, Jack.  He's been through a trauma -”

“Wait 'til you see him, Chambers,” Jack interrupted. “You like your aliens, but you'll be waiting in line for some Garrus-screwing now.”

Kasumi giggled, and leaned towards Kelly.  “Jack and I are contending for the second slot, but I'm in mostly so Jack doesn't give him some nasty disease.”

“The second slot?” Kelly started to ask, but then lightly snorted in derision.  “I hope you're not actively pursuing him. He hasn't even been human for a full day.  The last thing he should be worrying about right now is having intercourse.”

“So... who holds the top slot then?” Gabby asked, as if she didn't already know the answer and Kelly wasn't just trying to make an argument against it.

When all heads turned to their commander, Shepard put her hands up beside her head.  “Whoa! This isn't a competition, ladies.”

“Easy for you to say, Queen of the Girl Scouts,” Jack argued, “you've got a head start.”

Tali plopped down next to Shepard again, sipping brown goop through a straw, and she joined the conversation that she had picked up on as she walked back over.  “Then my chances aren't so bad, either.  I've known him about as long as Shepard has.”

Jack raised an eyebrow at Tali.  “Shit, why did I not suspect you as a competitor?  Always the quiet ones...  I bet you're some freak in bed.”

Tali sputtered through her straw.

Kelly shook her head warningly at Jack.  “I thought we talked about your language and delicacies, Jack.”

“Shove it, xenophile shrink.”

Gabby waved her hand dismissively.  “She only calls you names if she cares.”

“Like hell, grease monkey,” Jack disagreed.  (A/N: The mechanic type, not the slur for those of African descent.)

The room suddenly went silent as they heard a door opening, but when Joker limped around the wrong corner, there was an audible 'aw' and chatter arose again.  Joker shook his head as he shuffled over to the table.  “Worst surprise party ever.”

“What are you doing down here, Jeff?” Kelly asked.

“We're docked,” Joker answered with a roll of his eyes, “I don't live in that seat, you know.”

Kelly smiled.  “It's good to see you joining the crew is all.”

Joker nodded as he eased himself into a seat with most of his weight on his arms – one on the table and one of the back of the chair.  “Yeah, tired of missing all of the fun. So, did one of you at least get him something awfully embarrassing to wear?”

Kasumi giggled and looked to Shepard.  Shepard sighed with a shrug.  “We may have collaborated on a few outfits that he's welcome to return.  The...” Shepard went wide-eyed and put a hand over her mouth.  “Shit, Kasumi! We forgot underwear.”

Kasumi mimicked Shepard with one hand over her mouth, but her tone wasn't all that surprised when she spoke.  “Whoops...”

“Alright!” Jack whooped, holding up her open palm in front of Kasumi.  “Easy access!”

Kasumi played along and gave the woman a high-five.  They laughed together.

Joker scoffed.  “And women are supposed to be good at shopping.  Did you at least get him socks?”

“Yes...” Shepard said with furrowed brows.

The room went still yet again as the whooshing door sound had everyone turning their heads towards the front hallway.  This time it actually was Garrus, followed by Jacob and Miranda.  Garrus stopped at the corner, eyes wide as he surveyed the room of anxious faces.  Shepard stood to greet him, but Kasumi was there first, exclaiming, “You hacked off your hair!” 

“Not all of it,” was Garrus's reply as he looked down at her with a tilt of his head.

The sides and back of his head had been shaved close to the skin up to just above his ears, but the top still had the long dark brown strands that were slicked down towards the back of his head.  When he turned his head to speak with Jacob, Shepard could see some of the hair sticking out at the back and snickered slightly when it reminded her of a much shorter turian's fringe.

People were gathering around him, a few of the crew bravely reaching out to touch him – a poke in the arm, a brush over his shoulder. Kasumi was pouting that Miranda got to go in with Garrus, but that was only because Miranda had brought Jacob the cutters.  Shepard finally stepped forward to stand in front of Garrus, looking over his choice of the black shirt and turian-inspired jacket and pants.  “Thought you might like that one,” she said, smiling up at him.

[(A/N: I did a very rough "art" of what human!Garrus's turian-inspired outfit looks like. Fill in more detail as you please.)](http://i.imgur.com/kgr9NqC.png?1)

Garrus smiled back.  “Glad you know me so well.  But I can return most of the others, right?” 

“Aw, which ones?”  Kasumi frowned.

“All but two,” Jacob answered, crossing his arms over his chest. “While you're getting supplies, Shepard, I'll take him out to get some of the stuff he needs now that he has proper clothes to wear.”

“More shopping?” Kasumi asked excitedly.

Jacob shook his head.  “Just us boys.”

“A men's outing?” Joker said, stepping up to the group.  “Can I come?”

Garrus patted Joker on the shoulder.  “Sure.”

“Damn, you are huge,” Joker pointed out.

Garrus shook his head and creased his brows.  “I'm no taller than before.”

“Yeah, but you were turian then,” Joker explained.  “Turians are just tall. Now that you're human, it's way more obvious.”

“Thanks?”  Garrus raised an eyebrow.

Kelly shifted into the group, looking Garrus up and down, before she touched her hand to his arm.  “We had an appointment for a session in a few days. With this new change, I'd like to move that up as soon as possible.”

Garrus scratched at the back of his neck, looking down.  “After I hit the Citadel with the guys?”

“Yes,” she said, stepping back.  “Yes, it would be good to spend some time with your crew.  After is great.”

Shepard put a hand on her hip and leaned into it, saying, “You do remember that the Citadel's security has been heightened.  How are you planning on getting in as a turian named Garrus when you're human?”

“On it!” Kasumi raised her hand and literally disappeared out of the room.

* * *

 

“Solomon Gunn?  You named me Solomon Gunn?” Garrus asked with a raised brow as he looked over the file Kasumi had sent to his omni-tool.

“You don't like it?”  Kasumi frowned.

Garrus shrugged, staring at the picture of him on file.  “I thought Gunn was Shepard's alias.”

Kasumi nodded, leaning towards him to point further down the description of this Solomon Gunn alias. “You're her cousin.  Your record isn't as impressive though.  Couldn't put you as an ex-C-sec officer without raising a few alarms.  You aren't affiliated with Alison, so there's no criminal record.  At least, not from her.”  She grinned and leaned back.  “A civilian put in a formal complaint of you streaking in Illium once.  You were very young, and you served a few hours of community service for it, and it's about to fall off of your record.”

“You gave me a criminal record of streaking?”  Garrus looked flabbergasted and closed the file.  “That guard is going to see that first thing and give me hell for it.”

“You think so?”

Garrus rolled his eyes.  “I know so.  Change it.”

Kasumi put her hands palm up next to her shoulders.  “Can't.  Already posted it.”

Garrus shook his head and put his hand against his forehead.  “I swear if I'm stuck like this and have to parade around as Solomon Gunn the Streaker for the rest of my life, I'm going to cuff you to Captain Bailey's desk and see if you can wiggle your way out of it.”

Kasumi gave him a wide smile that barely curled up at the tips of her mouth.  “You know I could.  But think about, what a great conversation starter.  The moment women find out that you were caught streaking... they'll picture you naked on the spot.  And they'll want to see more...”

Garrus held up his hand.  “I'm not going onto the Citadel for a joy ride.  I'd like to get something I can actually wear no thanks to you.”

Kasumi crossed her arms over her chest and frowned.  “You're awfully grumpy, mister.”

“You think?” Garrus chided, opening up the Solomon Gunn file again.  “I'm not some new toy meant for someone's amusement.  I'm trying to keep a level head about my _entire_  body changing into this unrecognizable thing.  It's uncomfortable and unnerving.”  He pinched the front of his shirt and pulled it away from his chest.  “I'm sweating.   _Sweating!_ I've never sweat in my life.  It's not that hot.  I'm nervous.  And my stomach is growling.  My stomach doesn't growl.  Ever.  How many times does it expect me to feed it?  Ugh!  And my arm!”  He rolled his shoulder and grunted.  “I get barely tossed into my cot, and my shoulder is bright red, almost purple in spots.  I don't like this noticeable bruise.  Athough turians can bruise, our plates protect some of the damage, and you can't see it as well.

“And getting my hair cut!  That was the most terrifying experience ever.”  Garrus brushed his hand over the top of his head.  “All that hair falling, and that contraption buzzing over my scalp.  I thought I was going to pass out.”

Kasumi blinked at him.  “Wow, so, maybe you should go talk to Chambers.  I don't have a degree in this kind of thing.  Maybe if you eat something?  Hunger makes people grumpy.”

“Makes turians grumpy, too,” Garrus admitted as he slouched against a wall behind him.  “Sorry, not trying to take it out on you.”

“Anything else you want to vent?” Kasumi suggested, tilting her head.

“Nothing that I want to tell you, no,” Garrus said.

“Well, I'm pretty sure all men have that problem,” Kasumi teased.

“What problem?”  Garrus looked at her as Kasumi leaned her shoulder against the wall next to him.

“Oh, you know...”

“Know what?”

“You're the one with the problem, you tell me.”

Garrus pushed away from the wall and turned back to face her.  “You're not that clever, thief.  I didn't go through interrogation training for nothing.”

“That was years ago, _e_ _x_ -cop,” Kasumi said, emphasizing the 'ex' and turning her body so that her back fell against the wall.  “But do go on trying.  Interrogation tactics might turn out kind of hot.”

Before Garrus could be slightly disturbed by that, Shepard and Jacob appeared in the airlock chamber.

“All set?” Shepard asked, looking at Kasumi.

Kasumi nodded with a smile.  “He is free to roam the expanses of space, Commander.”

Joker and, surprisingly, Zaeed stepped into the airlock moments later.  Joker was supporting a rather heavy-duty cane, but otherwise seemed alright to walk around.  Garrus remembered the pilot having a hell of time just getting to the bathroom on the first Normandy, so he must have gotten some upgrades of his own while everyone had been separated.  Garrus looked to Zaeed, wondering what the old merc was up to.

Zaeed reached forward and slapped him in the arm rather hard.  “Let's get you some proper underwear, mate.  We human men can prattle on about our guns.  Where to first?”

“Uh-” Garrus started, but was interrupted by a loud gurgle from his stomach. Everyone looked down at his abdomen without a word.

Zaeed broke the silence with, “Alright, dinner it is then.”  He roughly grabbed Garrus around the neck with his arm and dragged him stumbling out of the Normandy's airlock, Jacob and Joker following close behind as Shepard and Kasumi only blinked at their exit.

* * *

 


	8. Part 16-19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus gets in some male bonding while Shepard spies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoiler for this chapter, but please note that when I initially wrote this story, the Omega DLC for Mass Effect 3 had not yet come out, so I had no idea what female turians looked like. The fandom, I think, had mostly assumed they looked like the males or went into outrage that the female's fringe didn't cover their head, so I came up with a theory at the time and went with it for this particular female turian that's going to pop into the story.  
> I tried to start altering the parts that included the female turian, but it chopped up some of the dialouge, and it didn't flow as easily, so I left it all there. She'll only be here for the next few chapters, so I hope this doesn't bother anyone.

* * *

 

_What the fuck are you doing, Shepard?_

That's what Shepard was thinking to herself as she finally found the four men hanging out at some cafe.  They were all sitting around a circular table outside, and none of them had seen her yet.  Rather than walk up to the short metallic fencing that separated the restaurant from the outside paths to greet them, Shepard had ducked behind the nearest tree.

 _You're a damned idiot,_  she told herself, pressing the heel of her palm into the bridge of her nose in frustration.  They knew she would be out on the Citadel, browsing shops for weapons and upgrades, so it was likely that they might run into each other.  She... she just wanted to see what they were doing.  They were her crew, right?  Just wanting make sure they weren't getting into trouble.  Right, just a glimpse to see that they were behaving, doing just fine without their commanding officer to keep them in line.

Shepard turned to peek over her shoulder past the tree at the men in the cafe.  Her eyes wandered to the side to find a young human boy staring at her.  Ah, now she looked the fool hiding behind a tree.  The woman with the boy hadn't turned yet, didn't see her.  Shepard put one finger to her mouth, and the boy mimed her movement before he smiled and turned away to walk hand in hand with the woman.

Others would notice her, no doubt, if they looked at the tree just barely thick enough to keep her out of sight.  Then Shepard remembered the program that Kasumi had made for her – a tactical cloak of her own.  Kasumi had given it to her only days ago, and Shepard hadn't actually tried it out yet.  She could cloak, run to the nearest corner or door, and then decloak so that she didn't seem quite as obvious.  Better to be coming out of a doorway than to be coming out from behind a tree.  She could blend in with everyone easily after that to slip off back to the Normandy.

Whatever her plan was in hiding in the first place... who was she kidding?  There was no plan.  Her reaction to conceal herself from them was the stupidest decision her body had ever made.  Well, maybe not the _stupidest_ , but certainly not one of the smartest.

And then Shepard remembered that this tactical cloak was a bit different than Kasumi's.  Where Kasumi's would allow the thief to sneak up behind someone, get a quick assault in, and then disappear almost immediately, Shepard's was made to hide.  Shepard had never been a stealthy person, charged right into a battle with guns blazing.  Kasumi had told her that with this new cloak, Shepard could stay out of sight while enemies passed or stay hidden while waiting for back-up to arrive.  It was made to last much longer, but any sudden movements broke the effect.

Now the question was if it'd be a dumb move to use the cloak to eavesdrop on the men's conversation...

* * *

 

Apparently, they really were prattling on about their guns as Zaeed hailed them his adventures with Jessie the well-loved assault rifle, all the way up to when he finally had to retire the thing.  “Carved my way through a hundred batarian mooks.  I don't remember ejecting a clip once.  Jessie just kept firing.  Reached the slaver, and he got in my face, so I went to blow him away, and,” the merc paused for dramatic effect, “nothing!  The old bitch had finally jammed.  So I smashed his face in with the butt of the gun and called in the job.  After that,” Zaeed took in a deep breath, his voice quieting, “Jessie couldn't be fixed.  Nothing anyone could do.  Like she'd finally had enough blood, and she was ready to rest.  Been resting ever since.”

The three other men nodded, and Garrus, himself, was strangely impressed and almost humbled by Zaeed's tales.  He had his own stories to tell, but he couldn't help but be distracted by the red-headed woman that was trying to hide behind a tree across the way.  Her quick dart into the tree had caught his attention almost immediately as she was in his direct line of site.  She was clearly trying to will herself to merge into the tree, so he kept his gaze on Zaeed to his right, only glancing at her through his peripheral now and again.   _What is Shepard doing?_

“What do you keep looking at?”

It was Joker that had asked him, the Normandy pilot twisting his body slightly to the left to look at whatever it was that Garrus's gaze kept flicking to.

“Don't look.  Don't look,” Garrus whispered harshly, avoiding moving his hands too much in case Shepard would catch on that he was watching her as well.

Joker slowly shifted back to blink at Garrus.  “So... what am I not supposed to be looking at?”

Garrus tipped his chin forward, towards Jacob in front of him.  “Shepard's hiding across the walkway.  Behind a tree.  Ah, not all at once!”

Zaeed watched a woman in a lemon yellow dress saunter by, followed by Joker gazing at a nearby Avina model.  Jacob pinged Shepard's location on his omni-tool since he couldn't just turn around in his seat without being obvious, and sure enough, she was only a few meters from them.

Jacob looked down at his menu, but asked, “Is the Commander really hiding?”

Zaeed nodded, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms.  “Wonder what she's up to.”

“Aw, I didn't see her,” Joker complained, hunching forward to drop his chin in his hand.

Garrus blinked, his gaze not on Jacob but just past him.  “Well, you're not going to see her now. She just cloaked.”

Joker sat up suddenly, his head swinging away from Garrus.  “What? When did she get a cloak?”

Jacob watched his omni-tool again and nodded.  “Seems she headed this way.”

Garrus wished he had his visor.  At least then, he could catch her marker and make out a red outline where she would be.  The visor hung lonely, unused, and too big for his new head back in the Normandy's battery room.

Zaeed laughed.  “Lady's got some balls on her.  Let's give her something interesting to listen to.”

Garrus shook his head.  “Let's not.”

“Hello, gentlemen,” a turian waiter greeted.  “Are any of you ready to order?”

“Saved by the promise of food,” Jacob said.

* * *

 

Damning everything to hell, Shepard had done it.  Had activated the cloak and tiptoed her way across the walkway as slowly as was humanly possible.  One move too fast, and her illusion would fade, and she'd be standing in the middle of the path to some very surprised onlookers.  She pressed her back flat against a pillar that was a few tables away from them, just enough so that she could hear them but still be out of their line of sight if her cloak faltered.

Hopefully, none of them had noticed her still.  Considering that they were all looking down at their menus or talking to the turian waiter, her chances were pretty good. She wasn't paying attention to what they were ordering; she was suddenly fixated on the turian that kept glancing at Garrus sitting down next to him.  His mandibles fluttered now again until he finally took Garrus's order.  Shepard couldn't help but notice how much he was _looking_ at Garrus, browplates and eyes creasing.  
  
Shit. He was on to Garrus.  Was it the clothing?  Did he smell different?  Garrus had ordered the chicken, right?  The turian C-sec officer in security hadn't batted an eyelash... er, hadn't looked twice at Garrus.  What did this turian see?  
  
When the waiter finally left, Shepard heard the three other men sigh.  
  
“What?” Garrus said, tilting his head.  
  
“That turian was checking you out, big time,” Joker answered.  
  
“Oh,” Garrus considered, looking over his shoulder to the inside of the cafe.  “You think so?”  
  
Zaeed leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.  “That damn cop didn't notice a thing earlier. Did you do some weird turian thing to set this guy off?”  
  
Garrus started to laugh, throwing his head back.  Shepard had the strangest thought that it was incredibly sexy – she didn't get to hear him laugh often.  “Wow,” Garrus said, shaking his head, “you guys still can't tell the difference?”  
  
Shepard couldn't see Jacob from where she was unless she leaned further away from the pillar to look at him on the other side.  Jacob raised an eyebrow and said, “Did I miss something? I'm not sure what's so funny about someone being suspicious of our new human friend.”  
  
“No, guys,” Garrus insisted, “that was a female.”  
  
Shepard's heart slammed up into her throat.   _That_ had been a female turian?  She felt hot and embarrassed suddenly.  Even she hadn't been able to tell the difference.  How long had seen been passing turian women and never noticing?  Had she ever talked to one and gave her male titles without realizing it?  And no one said anything?  Not only embarrassed for herself, but suddenly, that waiter's – no waitress's glances took on a whole new meaning.  She hadn't been eying Garrus with suspicion; she had been eying him with interest.

“No way!” Joker exclaimed, trying to find the waiter inside the cafe.  “Seriously?”

Zaeed scoffed, “It's a wonder your species still exists if all your bitches look like you do.”

Jacob set his menu down, looking across the table at Garrus.  “I've heard of a few key differences, but sorry, man, you all still look the same to me.”

Garrus scratched the tip of his nose and then tapped it.  “Once you know the smell of one... I guess I still recognized it.  Plus, her fringe was shorter – just past the back of her head.  And she had wider hips.”

“What's she smell like?” Joker asked.

“What kind of fucking question is that?” Zaeed sneered across the table.  “Vakarian, scale of one to ten.”

“For her smell?”  Garrus pulled his head back, draping one arm over the back of his chair.

“Of course not,” Zaeed answered, “One being you wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole and ten being you'd drag her to the nearest dark corner because you have to fuck her senseless right the hell now.  If a woman is going to be checking you out, we need to know her attractiveness scale.”

Shepard turned around to press her back against the pillar again.  She did not want to be listening to this.

“I don't know,” Garrus said, “I don't even know her.”  Shepard missed why he gave a startled pause, but he continued with a sigh, “On pure looks, a seven, I guess.”

“That's not bad,” Joker responded.  “What would make her an eight?”

“There's more to this game?” Garrus sighed.

“Turians don't rate their woman?” Zaeed asked.

Shepard turned back to watch them again, wondering when she should finally break away from them and go back to the Normandy.  She watched Garrus shrug.  “Getting laid and finding an ideal mate is a little different.”

“Of course it is!” Joker agreed, raising his voice for a moment.  “A quick screw has a different scale than the potential wife. We all know that.”

“Ha!” Zaeed grunted, “As if you've properly screwed a woman, Joker.”

Joker was quiet, only looked at Zaeed with narrow eyes.  “Have to.”

“I said _properly_ ,” Zaeed challenged.

“Well, I mean, it wasn't perfect,” Joker admitted, looking down at the table a little sheepishly.  “But yeah, I've had a few romps in the sack.”

Shepard could see Zaeed shake his head.  “Pity sex, I'm sure.”

“You're a real asshole, you know that?” Joker said with tight lips.  “And I'm pretty sure their pussies run for the nearest mass relay when they see your face.”

Zaeed laughed.  “Pussies love the scars, my boy.  Our resident turian knows that.”  He flicked his chin at Garrus.  “Isn't that right?”

Garrus scratched his own chin, wrinkling his nose.  “I know krogan women are into scars.”

Shepard couldn't help but giggle a little to herself.  She remembered him mentioning that just after he had gotten those scars.  The moments leading up to that joke had not been funny though.  The Illusive Man had said that her turian crewmate was no where to found, just disappeared off the map.  She had steeled herself for possibly never getting to see him or her past crew again.

But when the Archangel that she had been sent to recruit revealed himself to be Garrus Vakarian, she was elated beyond words.  The dire situation to take down three mercenary groups before they killed Shepard, her team, or Garrus didn't allow her the excited reunion hugs that she would have been more than willing to give.  Her body had gone through the motion of throwing her hands out to the side as if to receive one, but Garrus hadn't taken the cue.  Did turians not hug?  No, he had given her one when he had departed the Normandy after the attack on the Citadel.  Just stress; the guy had been exhausted after days without sleep.  He had looked the part, so she couldn't blame him.

All that blood...  Shepard hated thinking about it.  She was a soldier; she was used to people getting hurt and the injuries that came with that.  She remembered feeling panic and dread rising before she could shut the emotion down, before he sucked in a squelchy breath to let her worry-addled mind know that he was alive.  They couldn't get him out of there fast enough. Commander Shepard returned, and she barked orders as if not just Garrus's life was laying in the balance.  A few of the crew that had come to help evacuate him had avoided her eyes that next day, possibly fearful that she was going to throw them out of an airlock for jostling him around too much.

Yeah, she remembered every detail of that day.  Shepard's brow creased, and she turned away from them again.  Her cloak probably wouldn't last much longer.  Honestly, she had no idea what she was expecting to learn or hear by spying on them. Just a few more minutes, and then she'd go.

* * *

 

Their banter mostly stopped as the _waitress_ brought them their food, setting full plates around the table in front of them.  Garrus watched her this time, noting that rather than walk over to Jacob's side of the table, she leaned over the table, showing off the expanse of her thin waist and wide hips.  He allowed himself a moment to let his eyes take her in.  She was relatively attractive, her eyes darker than her light skin and plating.  And she had softened her carapace, something many turian women did with a file of sorts that wore down cracks and other blemishes to leave a smooth and shiny surface.  Her facial markings were flame red, almost orange, and Garrus could see the sheen in the curved lines on her brow plates and around her mouth that had been touched up recently as well.

The turian woman caught him staring when she looked back as she was standing up straight again. He smiled at her without parting his lips, not sure what human men would give as a sign for 'just looking'.  He would have kept his mandibles closed against his jaw to keep her from seeing his teeth if he had still been turian – flared mandibles would have told her that he was willing to take this somewhere else if she was.  She fluttered her mandibles against her mouth, only a hint of her teeth before she set his plate down.

“Can I get you anything else?” she asked.  Even with his human ears, he caught her sub-harmonics – a promise of something more...  Her voice was deep, barely higher than his own.  He was starting to understand why other species had such a hard time differentiating their genders.

Garrus shook his head.  “Thanks, I've got everything I need,” he replied.  He could change the tone of his voice all he wanted, but he only had one he could use at a time.  Without his sub-vocals, he couldn't tell-her-without-telling-her that he heard her hidden message and that he wasn't interested.  Not entirely.  How could he convey to her that he wanted to court someone else?

The waitress hesitated a moment, the empty tray resting between the side of her hip and an arm.  “My shift is over in a few minutes, so Victoria will be taking over for me.  If you need anything, let her know when she stops by.”  She nodded, almost scanning over the group of men before she added, “Going out with some friends to Dark Star – never been there.  A, er, belated birthday thing since I finally can.  Any of you know any good drinks?”

Garrus almost laughed when Joker momentarily choked on the water he was sipping.  The pilot coughed a few times and set the glass back down the table.  “You're only 21?” Joker asked, throwing Garrus a wide-eyed glance.

The waitress shook her head, pulling her mandibles away from her face in a sort of turian smile.  “It's 18 for turians, sir.”

“Oh,” Joker said, blinking.  “Oh! Of course it is. That's,” he coughed into his hand, from the earlier misplacement of water or if he was hiding a word, Garrus wasn't sure. “That's great.”

“Try the Tossed Turian,” Zaeed suddenly suggested, “I hear it's a bit of doozy.”

Garrus tried to only slightly shake his head at Zaeed with furrowed brows and a pinched mouth that read 'that is a terrible idea, no, no, no'.  But Zaeed didn't take it back, only shot Garrus a bemused half-smile.  So it was up to Garrus to at least warn her further... “Ma'am, the Tossed Turian isn't... it isn't the best drink for first-timers.  My _friend_ ,” he squinted his eyes at Zaeed before continuing, “is ill-informed.  It's more than just a doozy and will knock even a grown turian on his ass flat.  Palaven Sun is good.  Or, so I hear, at least.”

“Right,” she said back, nodding, “no Tossed Turians right away.  Well, thanks, and I hope you enjoy your meals.”  And she sauntered off, a jig in her steps that hadn't been there before.

As soon as she was back in the cafe, Joker lightly backhanded Garrus in the arm to get the man to look up at him suddenly.  “Garrus, dude.  That thing was barely legal.  You said seven?  Barely legal automatically gets her an extra half-a-point, regardless of her looks.”

“I'd hit a seven-and-a-half,” Zaeed said matter-of-factly.

“A _turian_  seven-and-a-half though?” Joker pointed out, taking a stab at his salad.

Garrus glanced over his shoulder, pretending to lean back in his chair while looking back at the human couple sitting together in the far corner.  He whispered to Jacob across the table, and Jacob pinged Shepard's location to be about twenty meters from them and getting further away.

“Guess Shepard left then,” Jacob said, turning off his omni-tool.

“Guess we bored her.”  Joker shrugged, continuing to eat.

“Nah,” Zaeed said.  “She's probably run off to intercept the turian lady.”

Joker raised a quizzical eyebrow at Zaeed.  “Intercept her?”

Zaeed nodded, reclining his head back towards the pillar where Shepard had been privy to their chatting.  “She probably knows that was an invitation for us, or at least, Garrus to join her at Dark Star.  Gotta knock out the competition.”

“Competition?” Joker questioned.

Jacob pointed at Garrus while Zaeed shrugged and started to cut into his steak.

“Garrus?”  Joker laughed, pointing his fork at the man.  “A competition over Garrus?”  His brows suddenly shot up and he nearly dropped his fork.  “Oh, shit!  You're human now!  Damn, I forgot about all that giggling the women were doing back on the Normandy.  Even Shepard can't be immune to that.”

Jacob shook his head and Zaeed smiled.  Garrus tried to keep himself out of the conversation when he realized that those two _knew_.

“So...” Zaeed drawled, leaning slightly on the table. “What kind of score does our Commander get?”

“This game again?” Garrus groaned.

“What are we scoring on?” Joker asked.

Zaeed bit into a chuck of meat and then answered, “Anything.  Looks.  Personality.”  He cleared his throat, putting his fork down.  “I'm not much into military chicks, myself, but Shepard's a solid eight.  Good body, looks great in and out of her gear.  She's fit for her commanding role.  I could take orders from her all day.”

Joker shook his head.  “The mental image I just got... I'll need some brain bleach to clean that out.  But seriously, she's way more than an eight.  A nine, for sure.  If only she didn't walk and run so... stiffly, that little black dress would have easily made her a nine-and-a-half.”

“A nine-and-a-half?” Jacob asked. “And yet you've never tried to go after her?”

“Chain-of-command,” Joker answered. “It would take a perfect ten for me to even consider breaking fraternization rules.”

“I didn't think Cerberus had those sort of rules,” Zaeed said, tilting his head towards Jacob.

Jacob shook his head.  “Although we're a human ship, the regulations of fraternization are a little more lenient.  I hear they're non-existent on turian ships.”

All heads turned to Garrus whom paused with a fork hovered near his mouth.  He set it back down on his plate and sighed.  “Do you want me to confirm that?  Yeah, we're allowed activities that help ease the burdens of the crew.”

“So...” Zaeed seemed to inquire further.

“So...” Garrus started, “oh, sure.  I've, uh, dabbled with some fellow crewmates.”  When the three of them continued to look at him expectantly, his fear was correct that they wouldn't let him drop it there.  At least they seemed to have forgotten the women scaling game, and he didn't have to voice his opinion on their Commander.  Honestly, he had no idea how to scale her.  She wasn't a turian, but these men told him that she was attractive to other humans (or maybe they had a strange way of looking at her – Jacob hadn't actually given her a score).  Even he found flaws in her personality, but no one was perfect.

So, he tried to steer the conversation away from sexual encounters as best he could.  They generally seemed interested and intrigued that turian vessels usually had a work-out room of sorts for crew to beat the stress out of each other.  And like an idiot, he walked right into it when he mentioned that female recon scout that he had fought with.  He quietly groaned and rushed through “We had a tie-breaker in my quarters” without adding in the unfortunate details he had given to Shepard.  Reach and flexibility?  Yeah, they wouldn't let him live that one down.

Yet, somehow, that seemed to wrap right back to Zaeed raising an eyebrow and asking, “Fancy any of the women on the Normandy?”

Joker put his hand out as if to solidify his point, “If you want the full experience, Miranda has the body that human men start bar fights over.”

Jacob hummed quietly, seemingly lost in a thought.  If Garrus had heard the rumors right, he and Miranda had had a thing awhile back, but none of them called him on it.

Zaeed laughed and nodded. “She's got the tits and the ass.  Great view no matter the position.”

“What's the obsession with tits and asses?” Garrus asked, obviously not getting the appeal.  Turian women didn't have breasts (or much of a rear end for that matter) – and frankly, it made some humans look far too soft.

“They're fun to play with?” Joker offered.

“Slap one, breast or ass cheek, and watch 'em jiggle,” Zaeed said, “You'll see.”

Jacob snorted lightly through his nose.  “Men are pigs, that's the most of it.  But probably instinctual since bigger bosoms tend to signify a healthier constitution for procreating the species; although, the size has nothing to do with milk production.”

“You pulled that out of your ass,” Zaeed snorted back at him, but not as lightly.

“Sounds like someone is having too many talks with Mordin,” Garrus said, laughing slightly. “But I suppose that makes sense.  Turians like smooth plating.  Cracks aren't ideal for those living on the homeworld, but now that we're traveling more, it's not as important.  Supportive waists are good for birthing children.  But humans... seem so squishy, you know?  Females even more so.”

“The softer of the species,” Joker agreed, nodding.

The conversation didn't end, but Garrus focused mostly on cutting and shoveling pieces of chicken into his mouth while he listened.  Women, guns, ships, they talked about it all.  He was glad that Shepard had left a long time ago; although, she might have been interested in most of what they were saying.  It would have been only a matter of time before someone had said something to give themselves away; she would have probably been more embarrassed that she'd been caught.  So, they finished their meals and listened to Zaeed rather disturbingly flirt with the human waitress, Victoria, before they dragged him off to do some clothes shopping.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how the rating scale actually goes. I totally made all of that up. Don't judge me. XP


	9. Part 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and ryncol. Jealous? Pfft. Not Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait!!! I got caught up in an event I was helping out with, and this sort of slipped my mind.  
> Hope you enjoy this update!  
> Remember that for this fic, female turians basically look like the males.

* * *

Shepard sequestered herself on the far side of the bar at Dark Star, hunching over the waist-high counter to sip at her bright blue drink.  Someone else had suggested it; she didn't remember what it was called.  Thank God she didn't have to wait long after she had called Kasumi for the thief to show up, or Shepard wouldn't have had someone to distract her as waitress turian lady – what the hell was her name again? - waltzed in with two asari and a turian.  Was that one a female, too?  Shepard squinted at the group; would be strange for a lone male to be with that gaggle of women, right?

So, Shepard awkwardly continued sipping at her drink, trying to keep a conversation with Kasumi and then Tali whom had decided to pop in moments later.  And Jack!  Was the whole Normandy crew going to show up?  She felt like another fool for even bothering to sneak her way in here to spy if Garrus and the other men would show up.  At least she could chalk it up to a coincidence if they saw her with Kasumi, and apparently, half of the Normandy.

“Shepard.”

The Commander blinked, turning her head to look at Kasumi whom had addressed her.  “Yeah?”  She blinked a little more rapidly, opening her eyes more fully.  What – what was in this drink?

Kasumi tilted her head to the right a little, motioning at the group of turians and asari that Shepard had been glancing at sideways for the past few minutes.  “See something you like over there?  Or should we be prepping our weapons?”

“Oh,” Shepard said, putting down her glass and shaking her head. “Just... thinking, I guess.  Anyone know what gender those turians are over there?”

Kasumi twisted her head to look over her shoulder and smiled.  “This sounds like a fun game. Let's see...”

“Both females,” Tali said before Kasumi took a guess.

“Spoiler alert,” Kasumi warned, holding up her hands. “You know that for a fact, or were you just guessing?”

Tali shrugged and held up her purple drink to sip through the straw.  “Guessing, mostly.  They aren't hovering as if they're trying to get laid.  You know, or so it looks.”

Jack nodded, leaning her elbow on the bar.  “Not trying to get laid?  Well, the one asari – the one in the pink – looks like she's trying to get laid.  Her eyes haven't left the turian with the red markings.”

Shepard watched the group detach themselves from the side wall and walk over to the dancing area to join in the musical festivities. Sure enough, that pink-clad asari's eyes were all over the turian waitress. Shepard smiled to herself and reached for her glass, surprised to find that it was full again. She took a drink and shook her head as if to ward off the sudden after taste. Shit, the bartender had made this one stronger.

She spent the next ten minutes or so alternating taking swigs of her alcoholic beverage, watching the turian waitress's group in her peripheral, and actually paying attention to her other crewmates. She was on her third drink when the group of (at least three) women sauntered over to the bar to their right.

The four of them were laughing, but talking quietly, so Shepard had to lean heavily on the bar to listen in a little better.

“Yeah, I met some guys at work today,” the lady waitress said, “I wonder if they'll show up.”

“You invited them?” the other turian asked. Closer, Shepard could make out the faint gray markings on its(?) face that nearly blended in with the grayish plating.

Female turian nodded. “There were four of them. I hinted that I was coming to the bar with some friends. I'm not sure on human standards, but at least a few of them were good-looking from the mentions I was hearing from some of the girls at the cafe. And there were a lot of people looking at them as they walked by outside. So, if I want to make it with a human, one of them should do.”

Shepard silently scowled, oblivious to the confused Kasumi staring at the back of her head.

“They're human men, Red,” one of the asari said. She was in a dark blue dress. Red? Her name was Red? The blue-clad asari continued, “Not too many of them fancy turians, so why would you think they'd be interested in your 'non-invitation'?” The last word was said with her fingers up in air quotes.

The turian apparently named Red – that didn't sound turian at all – shrugged, one mandible flicking out to the side and back to her jaw. “They think I'm only 18. I hear they have this thing about younger women. Didn't have any luck with more exposed skin last time, so I figured I'd try a different tactic.”

The pink-clad asari spoke up, the lines above her eyes creasing. “Lenota. That seems a little unfair.” Ah, Lenota was her name. Red must have been a nickname then.

Lenota, the turian female, waved a hand, leaning her elbow on the bar. “I'm only twenty, so it's only a small fib. But wait until you see them, Magaria. There's a lovely variety to pick from. I've got my eyes set on the tall one. I couldn't quite place it, but there was just something about him...”

And Shepard was ready to jump up and slam the woman into the floor, but she kept herself composed and seated. This woman was just trying to use her crewmen? For what? A curious fuck? And were the others in on it? Considering the concerned look on the asari, it looked as if the one in pink wasn't interested in what human men would have to offer.

“Hey, Tali,” Shepard reached over and prodded at the quarian's arm until she looked over at her. “What's a Tossed Turian?”

Tali's neck straightened as she pulled her head back in surprise. “You can't drink that, Commander.”

“I know, I know,” Shepard waved her hand dismissively. “What's it look like though? I hear it's strong.”

Tali took a moment before she finally answered, “It's a teal drink that comes in a shot glass. Too many shots and any dextro would find themselves waking up with their head in a toilet bowl.”

“Any shots that are also teal?” Shepard asked, crossing her arms over the bar to rest her chin on her hands. “And dextro-friendly?”

“Are you...” Tali seemed to consider her words before she asked, “Are you drunk?”

“Maybe...” Shepard drawled, flashing a lopsided smile. “Bartender!” she suddenly shouted. “Hit me again! Strongest you've got.” The green drink that appeared in front of her was downed in an instant. She shook her head again, the strong liquor burning down her throat. “What else does it look like, Tali?”

Tali shrugged, tapping on the bar for her glass to be refilled. Damn, that bartender was pretty good as the glass was immediately filled with more purple stuff. “There's the Blue Conura. It's not as strong though.”

Kasumi and Jack were watching Shepard bemusedly, smirks plastered to their faces. Jack leaned over the bar, putting her face close to Shepard's. “Is the Commander letting loose for a change?”

Shepard felt a little tipsy, she had to admit, but she knew when she was drunk, and she hadn't yet met that threshold. Maybe a little more of that green drink would do it... Did she feel like getting shit-faced? She wasn't sure. The alcohol was saying yes. She tapped on the bar like Tali had earlier, and her glass was filled again with more green stuff.

Jack and Kasumi looked even more pleased. Tali innocently sipped her purple drink. Shepard gulped down her shot of alcohol.

“Hey, you,” Shepard whispered fervently, waving an arm at the bartender. The turian stopped in front of her, raising a browplate. Shepard motioned some more until he leaned down to her just a little. “Get my turian friend over there, the one with the red markings, get her Tossed Turian for me. But disguise it as Blue... a Blue Con.. Concara?”

“A Blue Conura?” the bartender questioned.

“Yeah, that.” Shepard snapped her fingers, nodding. “Say it's on the house.”

He crossed his arms in front of him and gave Shepard a stern look. Wait, he was a he, right?

“Oh, but I'm buying it,” Shepard explained. “And it'll be fun.”

“As long as someone pays for it,” the bartender said. “Not illegal for you to buy someone else a drink, but I'm sure she'll be able to tell the difference.”

Shepard scrunched her lips in concentration. “But that's why it'll be fun.”

Shepard watched him pour a green liquid into one tube and a blue liquid into another. He quickly snapped the thinner tube with the green into the thicker tube with the blue before he tossed it in the air with a bit of flair that sent the combined tubes twirling and mixing the two liquids. Tossed. Shepard snorted a laugh. He caught it and poured the now bright teal drink into a dark blue glass that was a touch larger than a shot glass.

The intended recipient hadn't taken notice of the bartending trick that had just been performed and she was genuinely surprised when she was offered a Blue Conura on the house. Shepard wiggled on her bar stool as the turian woman downed it all with a tilt of her head. The turian held out the glass, twisting it to the side in her hand. “What is this?”

Damn, she had noticed a difference after all. The bartender was damn smooth when he winked at her, saying, “Something a little stronger, to take off the edge.”

The waitress lady must have heard something in that that she liked, since she ordered another round. When the bartender threw the combined tubes in the air, the other turian pointed out that he was making a Tossed Turian. “To hell with it, if those men aren't going to show up, I'm getting smashed.”

_Perfect,_  Shepard thought. Even if Garrus did appear, see if that female could try to seduce him then. Shepard started when she turned to find the three women that were a part of her own crew staring at her.

Jack was the one raising an eyebrow at her with a smirk. “So what is this game, Shepard? It'd be more fun if we knew what the stakes were.”

Shepard tried to point-without-pointing at the other women. “That one is trying to fuck with my men. As their Commander, I won't have that.”

“ _Your_ men?” Kasumi questioned, taking the first sip of her own drink. “You think the four guys she was talking about were Garrus, Jacob, Zaeed, and Joker?”

“Uh, yeah,” Shepard answered, reaching for her empty glass. “I heard the conversation earlier.”

“Queen of the Girl Scouts is a liar,” Jack accused. “You were spying on them all along, weren't you?”

“No!” Shepard raised her voice, startling a few of the bar patrons nearby. She lowered her voice, realizing that the turian lady was looking at her. Lenota, her name was Lenota. “I just. I saw her and -”

“Garrus! Hey, over here!” Shepard was interrupted by Tali waving over what was sure enough the four human men that Lenota was after.

“Fancy seeing you here, Commander,” Joker said to them almost mockingly.

“Hit me again!” Shepard shouted at the bartender, slamming her palm onto the counter. “Stronger!”

“Whoa, someone's feisty this evening,” Zaeed teased, sliding onto a bar stool on her right.

The bartender bent down to grab something below the bar, nodding his head. “I'm impressed. Haven't seen someone drink so many of those. How about we mix it up a little? This is genuine batarian ale. Uncut.” He poured her a glass from a pinkish tube. This one was a green liquid, too. “Don't ask how I got it. I've been serving here eight years.” He pushed the glass towards her. “I've never seen anyone have this and stay on their feet.”

Shepard grabbed it, gulping it down as she watched Garrus over the rim of her glass. Joker whistled and Zaeed clapped slowly beside her.

“You... alright, Shepard?” Garrus asked as he leaned on the bar beside Tali.

“Just peachy,” Shepard said, giving him a wide closed-eyes smile.

'Peachy?' Garrus mouthed at Tali whom shrugged back.

“An Earth fruit,” Jacob whispered to him.

“Ah”, Garrus acknowledged quietly.

“Anything else?” The turian bartender asked, waiting patiently for Shepard to finally pass out or go for another drink.

“Do it!” Shepard nodded, leaning heavily on the bar. She peered over at the turian waitress lady, Lenota, whom was swinging her arms above her head to an entirely unmatched beat of the music. Seemed the other turian had gone for the Tossed Turian as well since that one too was starting to dance haphazardly with the blue-clad asari. Pink-clad asari with the name that started with an 'M' looked nearly terrified.

But at least Lenota looked like she was having fun. Shepard didn't get to do crazy things often enough. Wind down and let loose. Whether or not that damned woman was going to notice and try to drag Garrus off, Shepard was going to get smashed, too. Or one of the other men. Yeah, any of the human men that lady planned to get her talons on.

Jack matched Joker's earlier whistle, and Kasumi gave Shepard a hearty whoop.

The bartender nodded his head, reaching something under the bar again. “Okay – for you, something special. This is krogan liquor – ryncol.” Ah, that vase-looking bottle was pretty... “You'll set off radiological alarms after you drink it. Should I pour you a quad?”

Shepard blinked, swaying in her stool. Her head probably bobbed a bit; she couldn't tell... “Hell yeah.” She mimed drinking from a glass, trying to figure out the words she wanted. She had said yes, right? “Put more of the stuff in the... the thing more stuff goes in.”

“Your funeral, sister,” the bartender warned her. He shook up some stuff and threw it up in the air like that other drink he did earlier. Why were they all green? Shepard watched him pour into the glass through two different thingies.

Garrus squeezed himself in-between her and Kasumi, putting his hand over the glass and effectively blocking Shepard from grabbing the alarm-inducing alcohol. “I think you're done here,” he said to her, sternly. Ah, fuck. His voice was still nice. “I hear this is way worse than a Tossed Turian, and I'm not about to drag your unconscious body out of here.”

“Aw, you're no fun...” Shepard, Kasumi, and Jack said almost the same thing at the same time, which erupted Shepard into a fit of laughter.

Shepard scooted herself sideways off of the seat and poked Garrus hard in the chest. Oh, that was still nice, too. “ _I'm_ just getting started. Give it.”

Garrus didn't respond to her or hand the glass over as stupid turian lady suddenly appeared beside Garrus, pressing her lack-of-chest onto his arm. Shepard snorted to herself as she was unable to sit down with Zaeed to her back and the two of them blocking her original seat. Turian lady – named started with an 'L', right? - seemed to purr, and Garrus's face darkened. She was getting a rise out of him, and Shepard wished she could unhook her assault rifle and slam it into her flat face.

“You came,” the turian said, rolling her gloved finger in a circle over the middle of Garrus's chest. “Hey ladies! This is them!”

And then the other three were there, huddling and ogling. Even the pink asari looked interested.

“Ah, good, uh, evening,” Garrus choked out, gingerly peeling the turian off of him. “We met at the cafe earlier.”

“Hmm.” Lady turian nodded. “Introduce me to all of your friends.” Her eyes were shiny.

Garrus pointed to everyone in turn. Lots of names that even Shepard may have been starting to forget. Lady turian's eyes nearly exploded when she was introduced to Jack.

“Your... your bumps,” the turian exclaimed, her gaze fixated on the tattooed woman's chest. “I thought *hic* your females kept them more covered.”

Ha. Shepard could hold her liquor better than the little floozy.

Jack shrugged, leaning back on the bar to thrust out her chest, and Shepard hadn't thought that the turian's eyes could have gotten any bigger. “I'm not your average human. I bet you wanna feel, don't you?”

“Can I?” L-named turian's mandibles fluttered against her jaw, her fingers in loose fists at her own chest in anticipation.

“Why the fuck not?”

Shepard thought _s_ _omeone_ would intervene, but nope. Everyone just watched this lady tentatively poke at Jack's boobies, and then she grabbed a handful. “They're so soft,” the turian pointed out. “And perky.” She might have giggled.

“Hey, hey,” Jack warned when the female turian lifted the strap of Jack's... shirt thing up and ran a knuckle over the middle of her breast with the same finger under the strap. “Don't start what you can finish, lady.”

“I'll let you check out my nipples,” Zaeed said behind Shepard, and Shepard turned to see him start to unclasp a buckle to a strap that she couldn't tell what it was supposed to hold. Turian-lady beelined over to him, nearly bouncing on her feet.

“This isn't Chora's Den,” the bartender gave his own warning, shaking a finger at Zaeed. “Keep your shirt on.”

Kasumi grabbed Jack by the shoulders and twisted her around toward the turian behind the bar. “And this constitutes as a shirt?”

The bartender shrugged and started rubbing circles on the counter with a rag.

More alcohol was to be had as the men ordered and the invading female group – because, yes, that other turian with the barefaced – wait, where had she heard that term? - or did that turian have markings that she couldn't see? Yeah, that one was a female, too. The invading female group hovered near Zaeed whom answered most of the bizarre questions that Shepard was having trouble following. So, Shepard tried to keep conversation with Garrus and Tali as Joker and Jacob joined the traitorous Zaeed. She should warn them of that woman's intentions though, but Garrus was talking and his long fingers were tapping idly on the bar... Shepard wasn't holding up her end of the conversation well.

“Yeah!” The waitress turian suddenly chirped behind her.

Shepard twisted around slowly to find Zaeed with a female turian on each arm, and they seemed to be turning to leave. Garrus was not having it though.

Garrus entirely halted his attention to Shepard and stalked over to stand in front of Zaeed. “I cannot allow you to leave with these women, Zaeed.”

“Or you'll do what?” Zaeed asked, unhooking his arms from around the females’ waists.

“You heard them,” Garrus said, “you'd call yourself a man if you'd take advantage of these young women under the influence of a Tossed Turian?”

“I'll do whatever the hell I'd like, Vakarian.”

The other turian, the other that looked like she didn't have any marks, retorted, “I, sir, know _< i>exactly</i>_ what I'm doing. I only had one.” She turned to look at Zaeed anyway and put a hand on her hip. “Lenota can't hold her liquor though now that you mention it. Lose her or I'm out. I'll at least be conscious and willing when we get to the hotel. I can't say the same for her.” Geez. What a true friend.

Zaeed looked between the two and rolled his shoulders. He placed his hand on the red-marked turian's back and nudged her towards Garrus. The way she flopped into him though, Shepard would have thought Zaeed had shoved her. “Fine, take her.”

Shepard didn't hear the others in the group quietly whistling at Zaeed and the female turian retreating from the bar. She only heard the original female turian sighing as she leaned her head on Garrus's shoulder and saying, “Guess it'll be you and me then, handsome.”

Shepard saw red, or maybe her hair was in her face? Or that turian's markings were blending together? But alcohol gave her the galls to shoot her arm out and grab that damn turian by her fringe and yank her back. The lady gave a satisfyingly unsexy squawk as she was thrown to the floor. Shepard stood over her, keeping Garrus at bay with an outstretched arm behind her.

“You are _n_ _ot_  gunna _fuck_ with my humens,” Shepard raged, stamping her booted foot next to the turian's stomach. “Find someone else's humens to take advantig of you – you... opp... opper...”

“Opportunistic bitch?” Jack offered the word Shepard couldn't get a handle on.

“Yeah.” Shepard stood back, jabbing a finger in Garrus's chest as she spun around. “I dun have right to keep you from... screwing around, but as yer XO, I fobade you... Access to this woman.” Shepard wobbled on her feet, but stayed upright. “Sheeza liah, and sheez beneath you.” And to put a pin in that so that he couldn't argue, Shepard nabbed the almost forgotten glass of ryncol on the bar and downed it in one gulp.

She barely caught Garrus's concerned look before she knew she was tipping backward and someone turned off the lights.

* * *

 

 


	10. Part 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's been up to no good...
> 
> Find out, in this installment of: An Olive Branch!

* * *

Garrus, at least, had only had one beer, so he was fully aware of what was going on. When Zaeed had started to take off with the two drunken turians, he couldn't just stand by and watch the man take advantage of them. One of them was barely of age. He didn't want to think that someone on Shepard's crew would stoop low enough just to get laid.

But then Shepard had clearly misinterpreted when she roughly grabbed the one girl – her name was Lenota if he remembered correctly. And now Shepard was half-laying, unconscious, on top of the hysterically laughing Lenota.

“Hey, is she single?” the bartender asked, flashing his teeth at Garrus. “Sign me up.”

Garrus creased his brow and frowned in a way that he hoped was coming off as a 'back off' look. Jacob and Kasumi were already gathering Shepard to sling her between them, and Kasumi let slip a quiet, “Shit, she's heavy.” Being dead weight probably wasn't helping.

Magaria, the asari in the pink dress, had knelt down beside Lenota, coaxing her to stand. Lenota took her offered hand, latching the other hand around Garrus's ankle, so he grabbed her wrist to help the turian back to her feet.

“She alive?” Garrus asked Jacob just before Shepard lulled her head back with a small groan.

“Sounds like it,” Jacob said, adjusting Shepard's arm around his neck. Together, he and Kasumi half-dragged their Commander to the restroom.

Lenota was starting to lazily lean towards Garrus, so he gently guided her back towards Margaria and the other asari. That one in the blue had been introduced as Cara earlier. “You'll want to get her some place comfortable and private. The hangover isn't fun. At all.” He quickly added when the two asari gave him a sideways look, “Helped a few turians through it when I was with C-Sec. I tried to warn your friend earlier.”

Margaria shook her head, helping Cara prop the drifting turian woman against the bar and a stool. “Lenota can be a bit hard-headed. It gets the better of her sometimes.”

Garrus glanced over at the restroom entrance, wondering how Shepard was faring with her intoxication. “I get that.”

“I'll call a cab,” Cara said, opening up her omni-tool. Then she waved at a turian bouncer by the door and pointed at Lenota.

The turian came by and hefted Lenota half-way over his shoulder, the female giggling as she held onto his cowl. She waved as she was carried away. Cara followed. Margaria fretted for a few more minutes at the bar, ensuring that the tab was closed and payed for before she turned back to Garrus. “Sorry for the trouble, sir. She gets these crazy ideas, and she obsesses over it until she finds the next thing. It's humans right now, and I'll eventually figure out how to get her to focus on something else.”

“I'm sure you'll find something,” Garrus said, smiling down at her. He swore her cheeks flushed with a light dash of purple. “You seem like a good friend. Maybe you could show her that asari aren't that different than humans.”

Magaria waved her hand and shook her head slightly. “She's not into females.”

Garrus flicked his chin at the entrance and then tilted his head at Jack. “Considering that she was going to walk off with my friend and another woman and was quite _entranced_  by Jack's breasts... I think she'd go for it.”

“I...” Magaria's cheeks flushed darker and she smiled to no one in particular. “I might be able to give her a nudge.”

“Just not within the next 24 hours,” Garrus warningly reminded her.

“Of course not!” Magaria laughed. “Well, apologize to your friend. I hope Lenota didn't offend her too much.” She leaned sideways to look at Jack behind Garrus. “And sorry that she got a little too handsy.”

“Nothin' to apologize for, Blue,” Jack answered, saluting her with her forefinger on her brow. Once the asari was out of earshot, Jack leaned forward on the bar to look up at Garrus. “Playing matchmaker now?”

Garrus shrugged. “She seemed into Lenota. Turians tend to be more casual about sex, so Magaria just needs to let Lenota know that she's an option. Things might start to swing in her favor.”

“Like you and Shepard?” Jack inquired, lacing her fingers together and mockingly batting her eyes.

“Like him and Shepard?” Joker piped in, his voice raising a slight octave. He cleared his throat. “If turians are into the casual sex... oh, ew. That's the second mental image today that I did not want to see.” Joker blinked and looked up at Garrus with a scrunched mouth. “Strange that I pictured you in your turian body though.”

“Now that's the sort of thing we don't want to know,” Garrus said, shaking his head. “That's probably no worse than my fear of finding you... oh, never mind.”

“Finding me, what?” Joker insisted.

“I'll spare the ladies from that mental image,” Garrus said with a smirk as he raised a brow at Tali sitting next to Joker. 

“I think we all have that fear, Garrus,” Tali joked, the lighted eyes behind her faceplate narrowing.

Jack snapped her fingers, drawing their attention. “Hey, no changing the subject. You and Shepard. You're human now. Had any more thoughts of what it'd be like to be with a woman? If Shepard's not up to the task, you know I'm fair game.”

Garrus swallowed the small amount of beer left in his bottle before he replied, “Sorry, Jack, not interested in playing.”

“Your loss,” Jack said, turning her head as if in disinterest.

Tali put down her drink, tilting her head. “You know, Jack brought up a good point, and you keep skirting around it, Garrus. Now that you're human, are you going to pursue something with Shepard?”

“Oh!” Joker paused with his drink inches from his mouth and set the glass back down. “You guys are serious?”

Tali turned to look at Joker, and the pilot must have seen something that made him stutter and take a quick drink. “Joker, dear, shut up and let Garrus speak.” She turned her head back to Garrus, folding her hands in her laps. “Anything to say?”

“Not really,” Garrus replied, holding his empty drink to get another from the bartender. “There's nothing between Shepard and me.”

“That's biggest load of crap I've ever heard,” Jack retorted.

“I agree,” Tali said, nodding. She held up her hand when Joker started to open his mouth; Joker did not say anything.

Garrus sighed, curling both his hands around the bottom of his fresh beer. “It's... complicated.”

“Ain't that the truth,” Jack said.

Tali lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “It can't be that complicated, Garrus.”

“Complicated?” Joker got in before Tali twisted to face him. “Can't believe I didn't notice it before. All this time. There's been things going on in my own ship (Tali corrected that it was “Cerberus's ship”). You've never even hinted at it. Have you two ever...”

Tali's head swung back to Garrus, and Jack was focused on him as well.

He had just enough alcohol in him to admit defeat. “Nothing's happened. Probably never will. That ship took flight the first time I blew her off.” Garrus took a deep drink.

Not surprisingly, they all had different questions that they vocalized at about the same time. Jack asked, “You blew her off?” Joker asked, “The first time?” And Tali asked, “She suggested it to you?”

To which Garrus answered, “Yes. The only time. And yes.”

“How long have you know?” Tali inquired, her drink completely abandoned.

“Hey guys,” Kasumi greeted as she came to stand beside Tali and Joker in their bar stools. “Miranda came to pick up Shepard in a cab. She's conscious, but still woozy. So, who knows what?”

Jack told her, “Kenneth just lost 25 credits.”

Kasumi squinted her eyes under her hood before she exclaimed, “Oh! Garrus knows Shepard is interested in him?”

Jacob also joined them again, sitting on a bar stool behind Garrus. “Good for you. We men usually aren't that perceptive.”

Garrus shook his head with eyes wide. “Is Joker the only one that didn't know? So, she tried to suggest blowing off some steam, and I turned her down.” He wouldn't have normally said that or let himself continue talking, but the alcohol-lace unihibiters added, “I don't want to ruin our friendship over a fling because that's all she wants.”

Jacob shook his head. “And there's the blind spot men have been suffering with.”

Jack shook her head as well, leaning to look at Tali. “Looks like you lost 50 credits with this one.”

“Keelah,” Tali said, grabbing her drink again. “I can't believe I assumed that Garrus would know that she was in love with him.”

Jack waggled her finger. “No one said she actually loves him. That bet was about what Garrus _thought_  she felt.” She tapped her shaved head. “Any more bets you want to settle for us, Garrus?”

“You have bets going on about Shepard and me?” Garrus took a very long drink. He didn't notice Jack and Kasumi watching his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed.

Kasumi put her arms out wide over Tali and Joker. “Oh, a ton! Once Tali came on board and told me all sorts of stories from the first Normandy, most of us started to piece things together.”

“I haven't heard anything about these bets,” Garrus disapproved.

Jack twisted in her stool to lean her back and elbows on the bar. “Like you would. You're a factor in the bets. If you knew about them, one of us might try to bribe you to do something.”

“Like what exactly?”

Jack shook her head. “We can't tell you that. It'll taint the game.”

Garrus sighed and finished off most of his beer. “More games. I'm sure that Shepard wouldn't appreciate her friends making bets about her personal relationships.”

“But it's harmless fun,” Kasumi ensured him. “It was starting to get boring just watching the two of you dance around each other. New Human Garrus changes a lot of stakes in the game.”

Garrus laughed into the opening of his beer bottle. “As if my condition was a special event that was unlocked.” He started to down the last of his beer when he stopped his swallowing, slowly lowered his bottle, and turned his head towards the group to his left. He narrowed his eyes. _To make the game more interesting._

No one said anything. Garrus couldn't tell if someone knew something about his freak change and was hiding it or if they were just as surprised as him. It was Kasumi's sudden smile that gave her away. Garrus stood taller and flicked his chin at the side wall where the restroom was. “Bathroom.”

Kasumi knew he was directing that order at her. She placed her fingers wide over her chest and put her other hand against her jaw with a curve in her shoulder. “Why, Garrus. To invite a lady to a private roo-”

“Now,” he whispered harshly through clenched teeth.

Kasumi slightly baulked under his intense stare, but she turned away from the bar, and he followed behind her.

Walking behind her, Garrus couldn't figure out if he was mad, furious, confused, surprised, not surprised... glad? Rage was the most surfacing emotion, so he made sure that Kasumi backed into a corner of the restroom while he stalked around in front of her. Despite his rage, the alcohol had had a mild calming effect on him – he felt no desire to smash her face into the wall even if he had momentarily paused on the thought. “ _What_  did you do?” he asked her, not pausing in his tight line and not looking at her.

Kasumi seemed calm, not entirely surprising, but Garrus was a little irritated that she wasn't more intimidated by him. He wasn't turian, so that was probably it. Kasumi sat herself on one of the sinks in their corner and said, “It worked, didn't it?”

Garrus snorted through his nose. “That's not what I asked you. What the hell were you thinking?”

“Now which question do you want me to answer? The first or thi-”

“Stop with the games!” Garrus barked.

Kasumi was silent, peering up at him below her hood. She finally spoke after she took in a deep breath. “I was bored.”

“You were bored?”

“Are you going to let me tell you this or not?” She continued when Garrus held out his hand to his side as if giving her permission. “Now that our mission is done, I knew I'd be leaving the Normandy soon. I knew you and Shepard hadn't made any moves, so I found an opportunity that presented itself.” Her feet didn't quite touch the floor, so she swung them back and forth. “It didn't all line up at first. Zaeed mentioned that Mordin was working on something in his lab, and I snuck in now and then to investigate, but I never figured out what it was. I finally just hacked into the security vids to give me sound, and that was when I found out that Mordin was making a human potion. You know how he likes to babble.

“It was actually Zaeed's idea, sort of,” Kasumi continued. “He was with me in the room when I was going through the vids, and he joked about Mordin using it on himself. Wondered if he'd be missing an ear or a part of his head as a human. So, I thought I'd try it on you. If you were human, maybe you and Shepard would finally act on your interests – this was before I found out that she had already tried to though.”

Garrus rubbed at his forehead and temple, trying to ease an ache that had been forming. “Did you know Mordin hadn't tested it yet? Did you honestly think it would be worth the risk to entertain a last hurrah before you left?”

“Some things are worth the risk,” Kasumi answered quietly.

“It was my life to risk!” Garrus snapped back. “The original subjects didn't take well to the formula if you recall what Miranda had said. What if I hadn't? What if the damn thing had killed me? What would you have done then?”

“I tested it first,” Kasumi said, leaning back to look up at him. “Besides, Mordin threw us to the Collector bug swarms without testing anything.  I figured he'd be good for this, too.  Just in case, I took a drop hoping that Mordin wouldn't notice and found a quarian while we were on Omega last week that was willing to try this amazing new drug that would give him everything he wanted. Garrus, he took off his mask.” Kasumi smiled warmly and then laughed. “Well, then he stripped naked and ran off. It was a lovely, if not extremely pale, behind to watch disappear around the corner. He messaged me through one of my encrypted handles the next day to say that his naked ass had been put in jail for the night, but he was out, and he was going to get the hell off of Omega. He was happy – disgusted by Omega's smell – but even that seemed to excite him. Some things are worth the risk, you know?”

“And what is his state now?” Garrus asked, standing still in front of her.

Kasumi shrugged. “I heard from him the other day, and he was still human then. Without proper files, he was stuck on Omega. Helped him forge some to actually leave. Waiting to hear back from him. I did warn him it was temporary, but he insisted on leaving.”

Garrus groaned. “That means he's been human for days now. You gave him just a drop? How much did I get?”

“How much of the pudding did you eat?”

“You put it in the dextro pudding?” Garrus's hand slapped against his forehead. “What if Tali had gotten to it first?”

Kasumi laughed and pushed herself off the sink. “She'd probably be running around as naked as she was the day she born, too, and jumping on the shuttle to the nearest planet. But you... if you ate all of the pudding, then you had about a quarter of what was in the tube.”

“Days...” Garrus said, looking at the bathroom entrance and sighing. “If the time of the change is affected by the amount given, I'll be stuck like this for at least weeks.”

“Guess we'll just have to see.”

“And you think Shepard will give me another chance while I'm like this?”

“Oh, I know she will.” Kasumi smiled, leaning into her hip.

“You're a worse matchmaker than I am, Kasumi.” At least Garrus wasn't going to throttle her. For now.

* * *

 

 


	11. Part 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kasumi gets scolded.

* * *

When Shepard came to hours later with her head at the foot end of her bed and her thin white sheets wrapped around only her torso, she could only moan and literally roll off of the bed onto the floor. The sheets came with her, pillowing around her head. She groggily tried to pull them away from her, twisting around on the floor awkwardly.

“Do you require assistance, Commander?” EDI asked over the room's comm.

Shepard groaned some more and rolled back into the sheets, burying her face and ears as the lights turned on. One of her arms shot out of the covering and flailed at nothing in hopes EDI would go away. Shepard wasn't quite in a full state of mind to realize that the ship's AI might not be able to process her mumbling request.

If she could just get to the bathroom; douse herself in some cold water. She started to crawl that direction, but it was more like she wriggled her body on the ground, reaching out one arm at a time to latch onto the floor and pull herself forward inch by inch. When she heard her door open, her neck snapped her head up, and she squinted at her new guest.

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty?”

“Ugh, Miranda.” _Thank God, it's Miranda._  Shepard grunted at the woman to help her to the bathroom, and they somehow made it there. Not that Miranda was the ideal candidate to see Shepard in such a vulnerable and weak state, but Shepard didn't want to have to talk to anyone that had seen her at the bar. Unfortunately, Shepard remembered every detail up to the point of drinking that Ryncol. How had she gotten back on the ship?

Looking down at herself as she propped herself on the wall and slapped the controls to turn on the shower, she realized that someone had changed her into some night clothes – not the kind she normally wore. This was the silk tank top and little shorts with lace trimming that she had sitting at the top of her drawer, but she never actually used them. They were there for show she supposed. And now she probably shouldn't be bathing in them.

Miranda leaned her bottom on the sink, crossing her arms over her chest as she watched Shepard look up at the spray of water, an even fall of liquid gliding over her neck and chest. “How are you feeling?”

Shepard rubbed her eyes as she lowered her chin to look at Miranda on the other side of the small bathroom. “I haven't drank that much in years. I feel physically awful, and I'm embarrassed beyond belief.”

“Embarrassed that you have a hangover?” Miranda laughed with a slight quirk of her lips. “Even gene modification can't solve that problem. I'll have Gardner get you some coffee remedy.”

Coffee remedy – that sounded perfect. Coffee with an additive for the worst of hangovers was one man's greatest achievements. Shepard didn't know all of what was in it, but it had never done her wrong yet. But no, that wasn't why she was embarrassed. She had acted like a like jealous child. Someone else was interested in her toy, and she couldn't have it. Shepard knew better than that now. Garrus was never hers to begin with, but she couldn't help the possessive streak showing once she had alcohol in her system.

The last time she had gotten just drunk enough... that was after the battle with Sovereign. Even then, she remembered finding ways to chase off potential bedmates of her team – not just Garrus, but all of them. Liara had probably been relieved that her Commander had been sitting in her lap, one arm around her neck and claiming that the blue one was hers. Mortifyingly, Shepard had done this to each of her team mates whenever anyone would get near them and show too much interest. She had just saved the Council, Citadel, and probably the Galaxy, and she wanted to spend a night of glorious fun with those that had helped her make it possible.

She was a damn drunken cock-block.

She flicked off the shower, dried herself, and then walked back into her room to change. Miranda was still in the room, but the woman had seen all of her from the inside-out already; what did it matter if she was shuffling around naked with the Cerberus agent watching? Miranda didn't seem disturbed by Shepard's state of undress, and she waited quietly by the door until the Commander felt she was dressed and awake enough to venture out.

“Sorry, Miranda,” Shepard finally said, pulling on her shirt collar so that it wasn't so tight around her neck. “Did you need something?”

Miranda shook her head of dark smooth hair. What Shepard would kill to have that seemingly perfect hair. Cerberus had done a damn fine job of piecing her back together, but it wouldn't have hurt for them to splurge a little more for silky smooth instead of soldier coarse and damaged.

“I only came to see if you were alright, Shepard,” Miranda answered, following her out to the elevator in front of her cabin. “EDI assured me that your vitals were fine, but you were in quite a... state when I brought you on-board.”

Shepard clicked for the mess hall and yawned into her hand. “Checking up on the Illusive Man's investments?”

“It's not like that,” Miranda said quietly without the defensive tone in her voice that Shepard had expected. “Checking up on a friend.”

Silence stretched between them for the last minute of the elevator ride until Shepard finally muttered a sincere, “Thanks.”

Shepard squinted in the bright light as the door opened, a mild tick of pain shooting across her skull. Her eyes adjusted quickly though, and she turned towards the mess hall, but she immediately turned back to the sound of shouting and smashing objects on the port side of the ship. She couldn't immediately make out if the commotion was coming from Life Support, the men's restroom, or the observation room that Kasumi had taken up residence in. At least nothing sounded like it was breaking.

Shepard looked over to Miranda with a raised eyebrow. “Redecorating?”

“There isn't any scheduled that I know of,” Miranda responded, following Shepard in the direction of the noise.

There was another loud crash, and this time, something did break. The Commander twisted on the balls of her feet to open the door to port observation, just as a male voice shouted, “Where is it?!”

It took a moment for it to register that it was Garrus's voice she had heard. She looked around the room to barely catch the top of his fuzzy-brown-covered head behind the bar to the right. There was a pool of liquid soaking into the carpet under a shattered bottle nearby.

“What's going on here?” Shepard looked over to Kasumi standing near her bed and then to Garrus's head peeking up over the counter. His blue eyes met hers, and she had to glance away when he continued to hold his gaze as he stood up fully. She looked at the broken glass again and sighed. “That was a perfectly good port.”

The room looked as if someone had tossed it. A bookshelf was pulled away from the wall, some of the books littering the floor, and the mattress was twisted as if someone had flipped it. Some of Kasumi's art pieces were haphazardly tossed onto the disheveled bed. The rounded mood chair was tipped over on its side, its cushioning laying next to it.

“Tell her, Kasumi,” Garrus ordered instead of responding.

Kasumi crossed her arms at her chest. “Your boyfriend is ransacking my room.”

“I had deduced that already,” Shepard said, letting the word 'boyfriend' gloss right by. It would do nothing to correct her, and they all knew it wasn't _actually_  the case. “But why? What are you looking for, Garrus?” She turned to him, her Commander-stance neutral and obvious. She was going to get her answer, or someone was going to have a bad day.

“The poison that got me into this mess,” Garrus answered, crossing his arms over his chest as well and flicking his chin at Kasumi.

“Why would Kasumi...” Shepard paused, letting the words and state of the room sink in together, pieces of the puzzle suddenly starting to fit. She looked to Kasumi with narrowed eyes. “Why is _that_  in your possession?”

Kasumi dropped her hands and shrugged. “Who said it was in my possession?”

“Kasumi.” Shepard sighed, shaking her head. “What have I said about these games? Frankly, I'm not in the mood to play Twenty Questions. I have a hell of a headache, so if you have that... experimental drug or whatever it is, give it to Garrus. Or better yet, Mordin, so he can figure this out. Please.”

Shepard watched Kasumi's lips quirk into a sideways smile. “All you had to do was ask nicely. I already returned it to the lab.”

Garrus sucked in a deep breath and released it with clenched teeth. He came from around the counter, wearing his sleeping pants and a loose white shirt, his hair only a little disheveled as a few strands had escaped the confines of the gel. “Don't think I'm done with you yet,” Garrus said harshly towards Kasumi, his voice taking on a dangerously low tone that had even Shepard's hairs standing on-end - in fear or excitement... she wasn't quite sure herself.

Kasumi sucked in her bottom lip a fraction and fanned herself with her hand. “Don't keep me waiting, big guy.”

Garrus sighed deeply, shaking his head, before he left and disappeared into the elevator. Shepard glanced at the empty space for a few moments longer, blinking back the vision of Garrus's firm thighs under those pants. The Commander was fairly certain that Miranda had been sneaking a peek as well beside her.

Shepard eventually mirrored Garrus's sigh to a lighter degree and set her gaze on Kasumi. “Kasumi, what you did was dangerous.” Shepard rubbed her forehead, taking in a deep breath from her nose. “Just start from the top. Why? What were thinking?”

So Kasumi told her almost verbatim the explanation that she had given Garrus last night. That she had found out about Mordin's experiment and put some in Garrus's pudding. Miranda gave a surprised shout about how Tali could have been affected, and Kasumi laughed that Garrus had thought of the same thing. Without prompt, Kasumi even told her about the quarian on Omega.

“You were bored?” Shepard finally came to the conclusion, shaking her head. “Get off my ship.”

Miranda turned worried eyes to Shepard. “Commander, is that necess-”

“Yes, it's necessary,” Shepard interrupted, her eyebrows drawing down as she stared hard at Kasumi. “You put at least two of my crewmates in danger, and I don't take lightly to that. We've destroyed the Collector's base, so your service is no longer needed. If you want back on my ship, you are going to find that quarian and discover his fate. If you want to gain back my trust, you are going to _fix_ this.”

Surprisingly, Kasumi didn't argue. She set her lips thin and replied, “I'll do what is necessary to prove myself right about this, Commander.”

“Pack up your things,” Shepard ordered. “You've got three hours.”

Over the comm, EDI's voice informed, “Dr. Solus wishes to speak with you in the lab, Commander.”

Shepard waved her hand in dismissal, groaning. “Tell him I'll be up in a few. I need my coffee first.”

* * *

 

 


	12. Part 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Checking in on Mordin in the lab.

* * *

Garrus leaned against a table nearby as Shepard hovered over Mordin's shoulder to watch the scientist stick needles into samples of alien flesh. He thanked the Spirits that Mordin already had the samples without having to resort to hacking off any portion of skin from their crew.

“Here,” Mordin said, “Quarian tissue changes quickly. Takes on a pinker color as gray begins to fade. Under microscope, more hair follicles form.”

“But it's changing back already,” Shepard pointed out, squatting down to get an eye-view level of the working bench with the various slabs on display.

Mordin nodded. “Likely from dead tissue. It changes momentarily. Without,” he paused, “ _fresher_ samples, can't pinpoint a connection of amount used and time to revert back. Would have liked to speak with the initial test subject. Said he's been human for a week with only a drop?”

“Yeah,” Garrus answered. “That's what Kasumi said. I think it's been a day or so since she last heard from him though.”

Garrus watched Shepard slide over a round disc that had a green chunk on it. “Do the drell,” Shepard said, still squatting on the floor. Her hands were gripping the edge of the bench. “It's not doing anything,” she observed after Mordin prodded it with a new needle.

“Drell takes a minute to change,” Mordin told her. “Similar results in turian and krogan samples. Quarian and asari tissue share similar characteristics to human tissue. Likely causes changes to happen more rapidly. Salarian sample ranged in the middle.”

Garrus couldn't see Shepard's reaction from the back of her head as the scaly object started to loose it's iridescent shine, but he did hear her let out a quiet 'ooo'.

“Even with dead tissue, drell sample will take some time longer than quarian to change back,” Mordin informed.

“Do you have samples of turian left?” Shepard asked, looking at Mordin's box of flasks.

“Here, let me show this.” Mordin pulled out one of the flasks and pinched a gray almost-rock-like piece from it. He set it down on an empty disc and started to coat some liquid on it with a small swab until it looked shiny. “Only plating. No hide tissue in sample.”

Garrus stepped away from the table he had been leaning on to stop behind Shepard. Mordin hadn't shown him this yet. The drell sample had finally taken on a dark brown color, something close to Jacob's as far as Garrus could tell. By the time the dark brown human skin had started to grow bumps and become drell green again, the plating sample beside it began to shrink. Garrus couldn't explain what had happened, and even with it taking a few minutes, it boggled his mind to see a light brown slab on the disc that was so thin it was nearly see-through.

Shepard tilted her head so that only one eye was above the table peering at the disc. “It's practically gone.”

As Garrus watched, it did become more translucent, retaining a faint hint of the color until it was almost white.

“Not entirely,” Mordin said, lifting the disc up so that Shepard had to look up at it from above. “It becomes a thin layer of skin. As far as I can deduce, it blends it right on top of the skin without removing it altogether or absorbing it.”

Shepard reached behind her and snatched Garrus's right hand before he realized what she was doing. She tugged him forward, and he had to lean down a fraction as she massaged her thumb over the top of his hand. Her hand gripped his firmly to roll her thumb on his knuckles; he could feel the tendons and skin shifting around it. Her fingers were warm as they slid across his own, flipped over his hand, and grazed over his palm. Garrus's hand gave an involuntary twitch to the tickling sensation. Garrus took in a deep breath when Shepard's fingernails touched lightly along his wrist. She snagged a few of his arm hairs between her fingers.

“I can't even tell the difference,” she said finally, releasing his hand.

Garrus stepped back as he was freed to allow his commander to stand. He flexed his fingers and rolled his wrist at his waist, musing on why he could still feel her lingering touch. Again, he realized how much larger his hand had been compared to hers.

“Any new thoughts?” Shepard asked Mordin.

“Give me a few more hours.” The originally-turian-plating sample was starting to thicken and turn grayish. “Condition proved temporary. Time spent changing and then in human form may correlate with species. If Kasumi's induced quarian changes back today, Garrus may be looking at staying human at least another week. Maybe more if amount ingested is a factor. Best to tell if had a living subject.”

Shepard pointed her finger at Mordin. “ _No one_ else is to use this substance until you know for sure what it does, the side effects, _and_ not until Garrus turns back.”

Mordin nodded once. “Yes, Commander. Sound reasoning. Just a thought if willing subjects. No wish to put anyone else in danger. If I may, Collector swarm barrier untested. Worked well. Correct?”

Shepard pointed again. “No one.” She then pointed at Garrus. “He is your only living test subject.”

Garrus coughed nervously. “Uh, right.” _Just throw me out of the airlock now, and spare me._

* * *

 

 


	13. Parts 24-25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has a chat with Tali and Grunt.  
> Garrus has a chat with Jack and Jacob.

* * *

Shepard stood in front of the door to the main battery, momentarily confused that it hadn't opened to her presence, but she quickly realized that it was locked. Garrus would most likely have been the only one to lock it, but he almost always left it open. To find the door shut on her was somewhat unnerving to her. She couldn't hear anything inside thanks to the thick walls, so shouting at Garrus on the outside would do her no good. Shepard opened her omni-tool to send her turian-now-human crewmate a short message asking if he was alright.

The reply back made her snort and shake her head.

_Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations._

Garrus and his damn calibrations. The ship had needed repairs after the battle with the Collectors, but Shepard doubted that they needed the guns re-calibrated for a thousandth time. Regardless, she stepped back and left her friend in peace. Shepard grabbed herself an apple from the pantry while Gardner wasn't there to man the station and sat herself down in front of Tali at the mess hall table.

Tali chowed down on something through a straw, and she only pulled the tube away from her mouth piece long enough to ask, “What's up?”

“Nothing,” Shepard answered, shrugging, but then she corrected herself, “I'm guessing Garrus needs some time alone.”

“Does that bother you?” Tali inquired, and she propped her elbows up onto the table.

Shepard shook her head and then bit into her apple. After she swallowed, she said. “Not really. I just wanted to let him know that Kasumi was gone and that we were headed to Hades Nexus.”

Tali nodded. “Did she put up a fight?”

“Nah.” Shepard sat back in her chair and took another bite of her apple. “She knows she messed up. She left with a promise to find her quarian experiment, and that was that.”

“So... are you sad to see her leave?” Tali set down her package, leaning forward.

Shepard shrugged. “Not sad. I feel bad that she hasn't been on ship for very long. I mean, she acclimatized quickly enough, and Kasumi was a great asset. I will miss her, of course, but I've always been okay with seeing people off.” She smiled, a memory surfacing. “I had to leave a lot of my crew behind after the defeat of Sovereign. Now that we've dealt with the Collectors, I'll have to start saying good-byes again anyway.”

“Hm,” Tali hummed, nodding. “I remember you dropping us off at the Citadel. I was excited to go back home, but I missed being on the Normandy.”

“You cried.”

Tali sat up straight. “I did not!” she denied, crossing her arms over her chest.

Shepard chuckled lightly. “I could hear it in your voice.”

Tali was quiet for a moment, her face tilted down. “I cried when I found out you were dead.”

Shepard didn't say anything. She hated it when anyone brought up her death because she never knew what to say. Reassuring them that she was here now and that it was in the past was all that she could do. That time was completely erased for her, but others around her were not so fortunate. They had had to say their final good-byes.

Tali continued despite the silence, still leaning over the table and her face never quite pointed straight at Shepard. “I hated that good-bye. I'm just glad that we came out of this all alive. I would have hated to say good bye again even more.” She reached her hand across the table, and Shepard sat forward in her seat to pat her hand.

“I'm glad, too,” was all Shepard said, a forced smile tugging at her lips.

The seat next to Shepard was suddenly filled, a loud grunt coming from the newcomer. A bowl full of something that looked like mashed bugs clanked onto the table, and Shepard looked up to see Grunt shove a spoonful of it into his mouth. “What's with all the touchy-feely?” he asked between mouthfuls. “Ah! I heard the Commander marked her territory earlier. I hope you put her in her place.” He sounded so proud of his Commander.

Shepard groaned, drawing back into her chair, but she was slightly glad for the change of subject. “I was _not_ marking my territory.”

“Pfft,” Tali scoffed behind her helmet and waved a finger at Shepard. “If you were a dog, you'd have pissed all over Garrus.”

“I- what?” Shepard blinked once, raising her eyebrows.

“That's what dogs on Earth do, right? They urinate on things to claim them,” Tali explained.

Shepard gave her a crooked smile. “Not on _people_. Usually.”

“Well,” Tali said, picking up her package of food again, “what do they do to claim someone?”

“Dogs don't really claim people,” Shepard started, shaking her head, “I'm not a dog-expert or anything. They get attached to some from things I've heard, and they probably bark or attack to ward off a threat to their owner.”

“Aha!” Grunt interjected, clapping Shepard hard in the shoulder. “You would have bit that turian's face right off if you were a dog.”

Shepard grimaced, shaking her head quickly. “Nothing so violent. Look, I was drunk, and knowing her intentions, I had no inhibitions to get in her way.”

“Her intention to mate with the turian?” Grunt asked, blinking.

Tali giggled. “I wouldn't say that _mating_ was on her mind.”

Shepard almost dropped her head into her hand in exasperation. “I just don't like my crewmates being taken advantage of.”

“But you let Zaeed walk out with the other turian lady,” Tali pointed out.

“Zaeed is a grown man-”

Grunt interrupted, “Garrus is a grown man.”

Shepard glared for a moment and continued. “Zaeed is a grown man that knew what he was getting into.” She raised up her palm for silence when she thought that they might point out that Garrus would have know what he was getting into as well. “Garrus is... in a compromising situation right now. He's already had Jack and Kasumi practically throwing themselves at him, and it was Chambers that said he probably shouldn't be worrying about it.” Shepard sighed and closed her eyes. “I don't know, I do crazy things when I'm intoxicated.”

Tali's head perked up, and she said, “Right, I do remember. After Sovereign, we all had drinks... and you were chasing off girls with a straw from Kaidan. Oh! But I think there was at least one man. I didn't think Liara's face could turn any more purple with your breasts all up in it.” She opened her three-fingered hand and waved it around in front of her helmet. “You, uh, headbutted one of the asari waitresses that was taking Wrex's order.”

“I don't remember that,” Shepard said, groaning.

Tali giggled. “I think he was quite smitten with you for the rest of the night, but he was also enjoying his drinks. He was rather disappointed when it was... Garrus that you left with.”

Shepard's eyes widened, her brain scrambling to recall that evening's events after she had sexually harassed Liara. She had remembered that well enough to go apologize to the “young” asari the next day. Vying for Wrex's attention was one thing, but not remembering leaving with Garrus... She couldn't have, could she? Shepard shook her head. “But when I woke up, I was...” _alone._

“Oh!” Tali exclaimed, waving her hand again. “No, nothing happened, or so Wrex claimed. You know they have a much better sense of smell than other species? I didn't know. Could you imagine if the two of you had done it? Wrex would have had the evidence all up in his nose.” Tali's head turned to Grunt. “Is that bothersome at all?”

Shepard tuned out Tali and Grunt chatting about the differences in their species, looking back towards the closed hatch of the main battery. _Did Garrus remember that celebratory night?_

* * *

 

Garrus tapped slowly at the bright console in front of him hoping that if he _looked_ busy, others would assume he _was_ busy, and he stood a better chance of being left alone. Kelly wanted to discuss his feelings. Mordin wanted to use him as a turian, er, human guinea pig (A/N: insert Palaven small creature equivalent that I don't know). Chakwas wanted to run more physical tests – see if this change was causing his body any undue stress or damage.

Too many of the crew whispered as he passed by – a few suspicious glares, curious glances, gazes of pity; it was a large spectrum of human emotions. He didn't want to deal with any of it; he just wanted some quiet time to himself. As much as he didn't really want to be alone with his thoughts, he wanted to be around the judgment, the poking and prodding, the awe, and the questions from others even less.

It had been almost two full days since his change, and he didn't know what to say to any of them. The turian-now-human had fled to the main battery after Mordin had finally freed him. Shepard had pinged him not too long after that, but he had given her some excuse about calibrations – which he was sort of doing; his mind was only half on the job before him. Who knew when Cerberus would finally take back their ship, and he wouldn't be able to tinker with this beauty one last time?

It couldn't occupy his mind for long since he always kept going right back to worrying about when he could be turian again. If someone asked him if he would rather be human for the rest of his life, he wasn't sure he could provide them with a straight answer. He started to make a pro-and-con list in his head, and he eventually lost track of which side was winning. He at least admitted to himself that if Shepard had any thoughts on the matter, her points would be worth more. The side that included a future with her would ultimately rise as the victor. He felt a little selfish to leave that decision up to Shepard, and that was even if she wanted... He was having a difficult time not dwelling on it.

While Shepard had been drunk the other night at Dark Star and had told that turian waitress to back off, she had claimed it was as his commanding officer. Not his friend. Not anything more. He had seen her drunk a few times before, and he remembered her knack for driving away potential bedmates of her crew. Garrus knew better than to read into Shepard's threat as jealousy or possession; although, those alcoholic drinks added up must have done a number on her if she hadn't bothered to stop Zaeed from leaving with someone.

Garrus went back to his work, but left the calibrating for another time. If he couldn't distract his mind with numbers and equations, he could at least distract his body with manual labor – maybe to exhaustion, if he were so lucky. He changed into the denim pants that Jacob voiced an interest in and that too-tight white shirt he had on earlier to avoid ruining the civvies that Shepard had picked out. Grabbing a screwdriver, he took a moment to admire the stronger grip that the extra fingers seemed to give him. He thought he had heard some rattling last night towards the back, and he went to silence it.

A few hours later, body sore from working muscles he wasn't sure existed before and excreting the new slightly off-putting human sweat, Garrus left the main battery in search of food for his growling stomach. He quietly groaned when he saw Jack seated at the table in the mess hall, but he hoped that Jacob's presence as well would keep the daring woman in check. He considered grabbing the food to go and hiding away back in his make-shift room, but then Jacob waved him over. Garrus gave him a small wave back before turning to Gardner in the kitchen.

Garrus wondered if Kasumi had let Jack in on her species-swap plan, but Jack had seemed just as surprised as everyone else when Shepard broke the news. Did this change alter any of the rules of their betting game or did it make it forfeit?

As he started to sit down with a bowl of some sort of soup that he already forgot the name of and a container of water, he caught sight of Zaeed in the hallway. Shepard hadn't stopped that man from his romp with the turian last night.

“You alright, man?” Jacob asked to his left.

“Yeah,” Garrus answered, slowly sinking into the chair and dropping his gaze from Zaeed.

Jacob scooped some of his own soup into his mouth and pointed his spoon at Garrus. “You kinda zoned out there for a moment.”

“I just saw Zaeed.” Garrus pointed towards the elevator. “I, uh, wonder how his night went.”

Jacob shook his head. “You probably don't want to know. He caught me in the bathroom earlier. Tried to tell me about it...” His lips curled into a snarl that Garrus had come to know as disgust. “Sounded a bit degrading to me. I dunno, maybe she was into it. If I wasn't already in the middle of my business, I would have left that one-sided conversation.”

Jack scoffed and rolled a green fruit around in the palm of her hand. “Looks like I got the edited safe-for-work version. Hey, Garrus? Zaeed said he kissed her, but I don't get how that works with turians. You guys do a bit more tongue and biting?”

Garrus paused and stared into his bowl of yellow soup. “It's... not common practice?” he tried to offer.

Jack shook her head. “But do you do it?”

“More tongue, I guess, yeah,” Garrus answered instead. “There's a human saying... 'I don't kiss and talk.' Is that right?”

“It's 'tell',” Jacob corrected, “'I don't kiss and tell.' Close enough though.”

Jack smirked with her chin down, her eyes drifting from Garrus to the fruit balanced in her hand. “That's not what I heard.”

Garrus started to retort, leaning forward, but he realized what she was likely referring to, and he sank back into his seat. Either Shepard had relayed the story of his tie-breaker tryst or one of the men had blabbed; although, the men had had the recollection with less content. “A mistake I won't be soon to repeat.”

“'To err is human',” Jack said, closing her hand around the fruit.

Garrus huffed in amusement and nodded.

“Here.” Jack held out her hand with the fruit to Garrus. “Had any pear yet?”

Garrus shook his head. “Looks like a deformed apple. No thanks. I'm good with my soup.”

“Just try it,” she insisted, setting it down on the table across from her by his bowl. Garrus shrugged and did as he was told, assuming that he was to eat it like an apple, and used his flat human teeth to take a deep bite near the top. Jack pointed lazily at him and instructed, “Now do the same motion without your teeth at the bottom.”

“Without my teeth?”

“Yeah.” Jack nodded, her chin propped up in her hand and elbow on the table. “Just your lips.”

Garrus turned the pear over, gazing at the rounded bottom. He raised an eyebrow while bringing the fruit to his mouth and parting his lips. He considered how he was supposed to eat the hard fruit without his teeth before he rolled his eyes. “Really, Jack? Having me make out with a pear? Is there some bet I don't know about?”

Jack 'tsk'ed. “Fine. If you don't want to learn how to kiss like a human, you're on your own. Or... you can come by place downstairs if you'd like...”

Jacob rolled his eyes as well, shaking his head. “You can't just _teach_ someone how to kiss. It's gotta come naturally.” Jacob turned to Garrus, eyes surprisingly serious. “Sometimes, you've just gotta let it happen. Follow your partner's lead. She'll let you know what she wants.”

“She wants to be pushed up against the nearest wall with your teeth on her throat and your-”

Garrus held up his hand to Jack. “And you're getting out of kissing territory.” Garrus sighed and went back to working on his soup. “No idea how long I'll be human, but I sort of agree with Chambers. As interesting as it might be for some experimentation, I've got enough experimenting on my own body as it is. I think I'm going to keep to myself until Mordin can figure this out.” Garrus knew that this was mostly a lie, but he really wasn't interested in experimenting with anyone else but Shepard. Even then, 'experimenting' felt like the wrong word – that wasn't what he wanted at all. Hopefully, it was enough to keep Jack at arms length, at least.

He ate some of his soup, glad he had gotten the hang of using spoons with this new mouth. After he swallowed, he added, “So, thanks, but no thanks.”

“Experimenting on yourself, eh?” Jack asked and flicked her eyebrows up.

_Spirits, no,_ Garrus thought, but he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing either way, so he said, “Wouldn't you like to know?”

Jacob seemed to take this as an opportunity to veer the subject when he asked, “Speaking of experiments, heard anything new from Mordin about your condition?”

Garrus shook his head. “Not really. He showed me some skin of different species and how they react to the chemical. He's still trying to nail down how long the effects are.”

Jacob nodded and turned back to his own soup. “Almost wish I weren't human to see if Mordin could use some help. Give him some more samples to work with or something.”

“Hopefully, Kasumi finds that quarian. I think it's been almost a week for him now,” Garrus said.

“I had heard about that. Can't believe Kasumi would -”

“I'm out,” Jack interrupted, standing up from her chair. “If Shepard says 'no', you know where to find me. Take a shower first though. The shiny look might be nice on you, but I'm not really digging the smell.”

Jacob and Garrus watched her leave and shook their heads. They finished their soups in relative silence until Jacob asked Garrus if he could have the pear. The man twisted it around with his fingers, seemingly examining its color and curves. He took a bite out of it, the sound of him eating the fruit both crunchy and wet at the same time. Then he did it again, but there was no sound of tearing fruit.

“Huh,” Jacob said finally, putting the pear down on the table. “She's not entirely wrong.”

* * *

 

 

 


End file.
